Sacrifice -- a new meaning

There are few words in the dictionary that confuse me. One of them is Sacrifice. Today I will talk about this.

There are some words that are a part of our moral and legal life. They are designed to stream line our social life in such a way that they would provide us with long lasting happiness. However we have misconstrued their meaning in such a way that they are now a cause of our pain than happiness. Sacrifice is one such word , I shall just try to enhance its real meaning as I have understood to bring back that long lasting happiness again.

How do you feel if I ask you to Sacrifice something on behalf of something else? Do you feel good elated? Happy sad mixed feelings.. A desire of wanting to have both the “something’s” and yet unable to have them together. Definitely a feeling of loss I’d say.

Sacrifice in my mind is an act of giving up something (cause 1) that was an existing or present source of your happiness for something else (cause 2) that will presumably give you happiness in future or for duty towards something or someone.

Duty means something that you are “due” for. Duty comes from the word “due” and Sacrifice comes from the word “sacred”. Together they shall mean to do something sacred that is due.

This brings us to the brink of morally sacred or not, right or wrong, legal or illegal etc. All this is debatable depending on the moral fabric of the person or what he/she prioritizes in their life. Because that is how people choose what is important to them in the present and what shall be important to them in the future thus you can sacrifice whatever is less important to you. In short there are no fixed parameters of sacrifice which will give same happiness to both you and me. For example duty towards parents, loved ones, friends, society, motherland, planet or nature, religion, humanity etc each one of us can have completely different priorities to address.

When we address words like Sacrifice in our everyday lives, we create feelings of giving up unfortunately not by will but by force of “Duty”. A set of standards set up by others in the name of duty. So we create a feeling of powerlessness, as if I am giving up something for want of something better in return. Thus creating expectations, with happiness due on future events. For example a parent sacrifices today’s material need for future of the child, partly internally expecting the child to love and care for them in older age. A feeling of giving up something today hoping to cover it up with happiness in future.

But life is not the same, some of us get good returns in the cause that we have given up our happiness for and some of us do not get anything in return. That sours our taste towards life and eventually we start acting selfish after sometime. Now we have to break this phenomenon and see Sacrifice in its new meaning.

The reason for this phenomenon is “constant feeling of loss and fear of return in future” , yes we do it all the time unknowingly even in our most unconditional relationships we do it … even parents do it that is why they feel so betrayed in their older age. Unfortunately all this time we have the tendency of blaming the one who is supposed to fulfill that happiness for you in the future let us say for parents hurt children are blamed but blaming them will not solve the pain that has already been created. Rather a little renewing on the concept of Sacrifice can.

Sacrifice is over shadowed by the word Duty. However we have been taught to first fulfill our duties towards everyone and at the end towards ourselves. This is the crux of the problem that starts with sacrifice and ends up making us selfish. A constant denial of our wants and needs over the time deeply creates feeling of loss and powerlessness which transcends into a physical or emotional outburst later.

As soon as we are born we are assumed to fulfill our duties towards our parents, family, nation, humanity etc. What we essentially forget is our first duty much before than these duties is towards “I” the self and no this is no selfishness , it is merely accepting the fact that once you are put in this body it is your prime duty to fulfill certain needs of it like food , clothing , love , peace etc. Simply recognizing this will make sure that you never compromise with certain basic needs of yourself which are reason of your primary happiness, everything else that you “let go” must be considered as bonus.

A)   However as each person is different the requirements of basic happiness will be different. For example for a solider his motherland is more important that his survival but for how much and how long?? These days we have seen many who would give up on their motherland for some rupees it means that their basic need of happiness was not clear and the need was never met. So a set of counseling is required to check “what exactly is the basic need?” – let each one of us sit back and really check on our needs.

It is good to know inside ourselves that I cannot sacrifice more than this limit than do it and regret later. Example someone can live 1 new pair of clothes in an year on giving up everything else the person must remind himself that I am satisfied as my basic need has been met already everything else is a bonus. Check and Set your Priorities.

B)    Comparison is the biggest problem of confusion these days. It is easier said than done. We keep saying we must not compare our things with anyone, we must not live by standards set by others etc  but unknowingly we keep doing it all the time. I realized that when I set my standards my need was much less but when faced with comparison my MARK of basic need waived and it happened so fast that I could hardly keep a note of it till the time I felt vacuum.

To avoid this either we must repeat our basic need daily or if need be make alterations to it , increase or decrease the level of needs and talk to yourself about it. Such that a sense of power in instilled in. Let your mind accept that the decision or choice was done only after you met your basic needs. So your “Happiness” holds inside you.

C)    Stop being vague in setting needs. Yes a thing I realized was we vaguely set needs especially when it has to do with feelings. We all need love and none can deny that, so we all want our loved one’s happy. Thus we vaguely set limit. But when faced with situation of ethics or morals versus happiness of loved ones we fail to take the right decision.

So in my opinion we must set our needs in details.

For example if I want my loved one’s to be happy … then how much I am ready to give up on my decisions, my ethics or values , my ideas or notions and sometimes on clash  of two loved one’s whose happiness matters more. And Make sure you do not decide this with just feelings, be VERY VERY logical in convincing your mind about such needs.

And just in case you feel two people or two feelings are in equal position and you are not able to give up on either one. Then "Do not" rather ask your mind to show ways to hold both things together and trust me mind does show a new way. Be not desperate but Be confident.

D)   Get over past decisions and situations. As I said earlier when we Sacrifice “cause 1 present” for “cause 2 future”. We wholeheartedly expect the “cause 2” to be successful so that we can forget what we have given up. Unfortunately sometimes even “cause 2” fails miserably at that time, we create pain not just because we have lost “cause 2” but because we have lost happiness involved in “cause 1”.

First: Happiness is a wrong term we associate with every other mundane thing; we must refer it as comfort. So a little change in mind would be you had given up your comfort for “cause 2” not happiness.

Second: While making a choice between “cause 1” and “cause 2” be clear with your priority list… very very clear in details. Then choose a mindset which is empowering. For example “I have fulfilled my basic needs, my happiness is met and it is my decision to empower myself to live without cause 1 no matter what are results of cause 2”.

Life is not as short as people feel. If you can value each second and bless everything around you. You Live more than your life each day.

Like I have always said I practice what I write here. So I’ll share a method I use very often and which seems very powerful to me. It is a kettle and cup example. I tell myself that even though both kettle and cup are made to hold tea, their individual purpose and capacity and usefulness cannot be compared. Each one is a special one. This helps me big time over every day comparisons and temptations. 

Sacrifice if you must but your old habits. Everyone fails even I do but never fail to keep trying ;)

Adios :)

P.S -- Sorry everyone to keep you waiting for a long time , I was just engaged in many things in life. Shall try put up other posts on time. Sorry again.

Art of managing negative emotions

Negative emotions by their name suggest that they negate something from our lives. Yes they negate our happiness and lightness. This means they disturb our natural being whose it was natural property to be happy and contented. Sometimes you are at the recieving end , sometimes at the creating side you do not understand what you are feeling or why you are feeling but you feel. A strong deep negative feeling engulfs your mind and within few second your peace of mind is shrouded with umpteen number of thoughts. After sometime when you decide to stop them you feel drained , exhausted and tired and to top it all you feel guilty of having them. You feel sinful of holding those ideas , cruel or brutual at times you do not understand why did i think of these things. This is probably the side effect of being good. Today i'll talk about this.

If this has happened with you then you'd easily identify. You feel the day is going good suddenly you see someone holding something you deeply desired for in the hands of a person who is perpetually the last person on earth to deserve what he has. It could be anything as simple as a cell phone , car , job etc or as complicated as love, family , kids etc. You suddenly feel cheated, cheated for all the goodness that you have and blind out within few seconds. To top it all everyone around seems to be very happy or cheering them or attending them, you seem to be asking yourself what is stopping me why am I not happy ? I am not in competition with him and I'll have something much better manyfolds better and yet you crave.

The craving pushes us further. You cannot lie to yourself and then series of thoughts overwhelm you with negative emotions. Not having what other has easily bring us to blame anyone or everyone who has been or has not been instrumental in me not having "it". A huge number of such emotions further makes it impossible for me to handle anything challenging that would come later during the day. The guilt of being jealous and sadness of not aquiring gets painful and heavy.

Negative emotions are extremely drainful no doubt. Sadness , hurt, jealousy, anger, greed, vengence,hatred, frustation etc. While irritation , frustation , sadness can be termed as less negative. Hatred , vengence , anger are higly negative. Jealousy and greed are fine and subtle they shift easily from appearing light initially and then towards graver negativism. But they can be efficiently be dealt with in case we pay a liitle attention to what goes on inside us than watching who does what outside.

I have for long experienced eactly these things and then tried to see what goes on and what comes to my mind. Not only did I create negative thoughts but also found myself feeling ashamed of holding such down thoughts. And then i realized such self criticism is only making things worse because it exhausted my will power to overcome the negative and pull out the positive. The extreme self expectation of being good teamed with criticism held me back in a loop. Till I decided enough is enough i need to see what's happening. From such situation i have developed some pointers in "Art of managing self negative emotions".

1. In my suggestion it is always good to take out a minute as soon as you feel something low. Do not shrug away ignore the feelings nor do you engage in feelings of self pity. Self pity is terrible worse than negative emotions because in case of negative emotions you still want to fight the unjust that has happened to you but when you self pity or agree it as "Kismat" you loose the last fort too.

2. Identify the feeling inside you , your exact need, the object or the attention , love and respect the other person gets and you do not. The object can serve as your need or actually no need too. For eg you can feel jealous for a high end cellphone it might not be a need but a greed. Jealousy and greed can easily turn themselves towards sadness or vengence depending on the character of the person holding it. Just learn to pin point your exact emotion.  Note it keep it at side for a second.

3. Repeat this statement "I make choices in my life I chose to be who I am today and I respect myself for this." This is essential to stop a blame game that runs faster than goose inside our heads. The whole life story pops up. This happed that is why that happened then next then next then list goes on and on till you have blamed every last person on earth for evrything in your life. Yes really that happens I have seen people blamed US President for their broken relationships people can really go that far. You don't know if someone on some corner of this earth might be actually blaming you for something you have never done. So blame never stops till you want to take responsibility of your life. So repeat the above line at least a few times to remember “ Every one makes choices and you chose something at some situation of yours because it was important to you.” This calms you and avoids you from emotinal drainage. (This is the main reason of internal distrust of many relations.)

4. Now that you have time, have identified your feeling and also not blaming anyone. The next step is to explain yourself that you are not guilty of holding a bad feeling.

Co-join your identified negative feeling with a positive one. For example someone does a tick tak around you and you feel irritation at its highest. Instead of saying “I hate this sound I hate this person he always irritates me” etc try to co-join “I love silence. Silence is easier to get when I am smiling. I am smiling because I am at peace.” Though it doesn’t sound meaningful initially but positive words if repeated a few times actually helps you connect to times when you created these feelings.

For example if you have ever seen a baby smiling and felt very happy just remember those tiny movements and that feeling , you created peace and love on seeing that baby. Now when you say this sentence the mind will automatically search for moments of “Smiling” “Silence” and “Peace” drives your mind to find those scenes and brings back those feelings exactly how you echoed. It helps you to see the picture more rationally than emotionally.

5. By this time your greed will be over and you would invariably be able to identify what you really need and can you given the fact that there are some compromises you would never want to make. Seeking an understanding that you are still feeling like smiling even without that object will remind you that the object/emotion is actually your greed not need.

Even if it really is your need then minus – the guilt you would have more sane mind to achieve it in due process rather than creating guilt or self pity.

Emotions cloud our mind and a single negative thought pulls us down and diminishes our ability to seek any requirement wether it is our need or not. Every feeling is actually a greater involvment of love. Love for others, love for objects or love for self we need to choose who and what is important to us. Once you learn managing your own negative feelings by bending them towards positive ones your winnability increases many folds.

I have experienced this several times and it is hard to do at first later comes very easily. You just learn to smile and walk away. On the path of being good it is easy to encounter things inside your own self which are not so good or rather grey but it is a process you learn to work on it if you are determined to be who you really are from within.

J

 Adios

[I know i needed time but i had so many things on my mind to write. I couldn't stay away from sharing. Hoping to share more soon. My pain is better even if not gone yet feeling happy and light. :-) See you. ]

Past Present or Future Perfect vs Problem

Each one of us in our mundane everyday lives have sometime or the other faced problems that has disturbed our equilibrium for a very long time. Till the time we achieved our equilibrium we were faced ripples of problem exactly like a pebble in a pond, going back and forth.

 What is Problem? How do we identify what as problem?

Problem is like a question raised that needs a solution or a situation that has to be resolved to bring back and set equilibrium in place. This could be physical, emotional, material or non material in nature. But a state of peace and quietness in that region gets disturbed is definite for all of us.

 So as we face problem we should ideally be looking towards a solution or an answer. For this our mind races back to identify a similarity in the pattern of problems from past. As far as we go back into our past we'd all find impressions of innumerable things small big, valuable non valuable just many many things. These impressions are neither permanent nor temporary but are kept inside our mind by the value to etch to them. Per say for someone who is very emotional by nature would have impressions of feelings and emotions up in the queue as it has been most used and thought over by him/her where as for someone who is aggressive in nature will have impressions of self defense actions on top. Like a fish escapes a fisherman while a snake puts his hood up. Simple but equivalent ways of using impressions at times of distress. Basically all I am trying to put up is a sense of queue of memories we all line up every day from our past to solve our problems.

 Queue of impressions is not just filled with important past details or memories but also filled with scenes from future. Future Perfect as imagery of our future considering everything from present will stay in equilibrium till future scene is achieved. That which gets toughest challenge when faced problem.

 So everyone is using past experiences in present to keep future perfect.

However that is not the only thing that happens inside us. I wish it was that easy then machines would have definitely gone ahead of us.

 When faced with a problem it is mostly practical but most often we get clouded with either past experiences or shattering of future perfect scenes and lose the judgment for present. For example you lose something important related to work in the morning.

How a machine would have analyzed?

Problem - Find the lost object

Solution/Possible course of action - Figure out where last kept.

Most probable places where it can be found.

Take help from someone.

 This would have been perfect course of action except a human adds a specialty of his own to this. He uses his queue of impressions.

Past: He gets images from past what happened when a colleague of his lost a similar thing.

What would happen to him if he cannot find it out?

He might even create an image of what will happen to his job, to his family if the job gets lost.

It leads to creation of fear, anxiety, sadness which in turn increases/decreases vital signs of our body and diminishes our chances of finding out that object further. These are mutated feelings that reverberate for a long time. Even if after few seconds you do find the object the feelings and notions that you created in your mind during that duration are now stored to be repeated sooner or later in case of distress.

What we fail to understand is that "Queue of impressions" inside us are actually chosen and created by us every day. Slightly unaware slightly aware we indulge in an action we agree within is right. Let's say a child cheats one time and he justifies that internally for that moment pledging not to repeat that, the next time he gets an opportunity to repeat that he'd use that impression unknowingly and create a justification to break his promise. Over the time his justification grows stronger and his immunity towards his ethics grows weaker. Every time you see, feel, hear, touch and taste something it passes through this "Queue of impressions" to form an opinion in your mind. Considering its importance it lines up higher or lower in the Queue. These everyday choosing lands up where we stand when faced with problems. You cannot just wait for one day for a problem to come and choose your ideal way to face it. It happens every day and every second.

Psychologically speaking each of us is a kind of personality in itself and thus approach towards problem for each one of us is different. And different books and authors have already explained innumerous number of ways our difference which though I quiet agree but also disagree.

I disagree that each one us is using any different process inside for processing come from any background, any religion or any color. The notion that they think this way because their community, race or religion or whatever has anything to do with it is wrong.

I agree that each one is different because each one every individual chooses to use his machinery differently. Some use past failures as excuses to run away , some may use the same as stepping stone basically the choice is different. The intensity of choosing the right words and thoughts which flourish as ACTIONS is different.

Each individual is not a puzzle rather each puzzle is a piece in itself.

In terms of Individual who maintains a sane mind at times of troubles and eludes from images of Past present or Future Perfect easily treads away from problems. It is for that "The Bhagwat Gita" talks of detaching from Fruit of action, which did not just mean detaching in action from hands but detaching in means from thoughts. Detachment from fear and anxiety over past and future increases efficiency many folds, if not for always it must be practiced at times of trouble.

In terms of society where collective consciousness is very important it is essential to understand what Priority is for a Society. A society that wants to grow holistically has to work on all endeavors together. Compromising on any one will compromise on happiness of every other aspect. If you compromise on equality you cannot hold baton of security, if you compromise on truth you cannot pursue fraternity and so on.

None neither an individual nor a society can survive in absence of a stable mind that is free from clutches of past and future. Problems are and will come it is the continuous training process and work on the Queue that will turn them to either a Challenge to overcome Or Stress to be endured.

Ants

There is this huge fascination that I share with ants. :-) ever since I was a kid I was fond of using all my boring summer afternoons either in deep naps :P or watching ants their lines, the way they walk talk with their little antennas. Aww…all my afternoon I would get those small bits of sugar for them and lie them on their way :-) . Some people like feeding fishes some like feeding dogs some feed cows BUT I Love feeding ANTS :-)

I never hurt them but there’s something that fascinates me about them. I keep wondering how the world would be for them how they see the world do they ever realize how much hard work they put in for such a little distance of food. No they don’t. They travel with twist and turns of 50-60 cms what can be directly reached in 10 cms.

They would perhaps travel the periphery of our drawing room and presume it to be the whole world…what might be just 10 steps for you and me. We are so huge in comparison to them that we can twist them, kill them, hit them, sway them away from their lines, we can presume to be (at least) their God yet irrespective of whatever happens in their lines they keep working…

I remember listening to the story of grasshopper and an ant. And as a grown up today find such startling similarities between a Bhogi person who is attached to the deepest level to his life and a person who performs Nishkaam karma…

Ants might be a part of our jokes with elephants, rats, hares etc yet they seem to picture a sense of dignity when I think about them…

They are small really small some ants might even be deadly and dangerous (those found in forests) yet they command a sense of respect when I think about them…

Small humble and someone who performs his duties irrespective of how many problems one faces is a person who can command a sense of respect and dignity from all of us and yet ants do not care what we think of them. It still continues to work.

Today as an aware science student I know about many characteristics of ants. Their categories, their behavioral pattern, mothers ants, their hierarchical system, family pattern etc yet I chose to view them as a Pattern of Dedicated workers whose work is tons of time more important than any competition..

more important than any jealousy…

above any greed to get first (rather once a food is found an ant collects all others to share)…

outdoes any results at end…

An Ant is someone or a collective group of someone we should learn from or at least remember when in times of trouble. Well back to square one I think I better get up and feed the ants I can see one line round my room… let me see what they are up to now :-) or where they are up by now :-)…

adios

P.S Feed ants at your risk ... i don not risk feeding red ants or fire ants :P I am happy feeding them from safe distance. So keep safe and do not blame it on me :)

http://simplyshreya.blogspot.com/

How do You CRY? - Kind of criers

1st L ***Loud criers
Far too loud than expected they can cry anywhere.Seriously sick about crying and panicking. they panic about anything and everything from missing a book to missing a train like just anything from wrong icecreams to wrong dress just like panic with watever they have at hand....they are hard to tolerate them untill and unless they are cute lovely girls :P.
Well its very easy to deal with them IGNORE THEM seriously you cant deal with them :P to be honest haha :D . No i mean BUT if she's one of your gf's kind GIVE HER LOTS LOTS OF ATTENTION :D tats what they need ....they panic calm them and attend them ignoring them would make them cry louder for attention.

They arent real crier's not that they are truly hurt and tats y crying they just want people to know "Look at me something wrong has happened i feel helpless".... in short dont wry things wil calm down far too sooner than it looks lk :P :)


2nd L ***Lip biters crier's
hmm.. this one is tough to explain well they are nervous people kinda shy they dont know rather unsure if they should cry at public or should sob silently.Most often you would find them biting their lips on the verge of crying their face turns red n eyes watery lips being bitten due to nervousness overall they look cute to b sympathised.... Now they really need people with solutions bz these are people who dont kw what to do with the problems and far to unsure to kw that they can solve it themselves.... they dont trust themselves almost at all...

I have known people lk these esp when lemme say a girl loses something really costly she gets confused bz she doesnt kw wher to n how to solve the problems btw im not generalising it just that i have seen girl's lk this not sure guys face similar situations...in-short calming them down is 1st solution n next is to get them to some solution.


3rd L ***Lonely criers
these are a set of criers who cry when they are alone.
Most often they live in a shell that tells them you are too strong to cry in front of lots of people.They dont or cant blame anybody they feel there's always a practical aspect to everything and can come out of it and thats why its too hard to accept that you have lost something ...they rule out the fact that they can lose from anybody or can lose from life.

Its practically fine to be one of these kinda criers but what harms them it the built up pressure they consume their own energies expect too much from their ownselves and often end up building stress around themselves. Most men and high estimed women fall in this category they sob and sob lonely only to blame themselves at the end.

It is often made up of people who really mean when they cry because they cant cry in open they need space and lot of sensitiveness to be dealt with, they need friends and loved one's around who dont sympathise with them, Yes i mean not those who tell them life will move on forget this n that ...they dont need lectures nor do they need re-assurances in other words they dont want ANYBODY ELSE OTHER THAN THEIR OWNSELF to tell them what to do. They just wanna cry n want their loved one's to hold them Thats It!!
For wife's :: As most men fall in this category,leave husbands to cry for sometime if they feel lk they dont need ur sympathy just b with them. Dont lecture it makes things worse for them to deal with.

***Types of LEVELS
In all these crying i believe there are still levels of crying lk
level 1 - low
level 2 - medium
level 3 - HIGH

definetly most dangerous one is level 3 of loud criers im sure no one will stand to tolerate this its lk you have kept some bomb next to the person who is crying thats lk some firealarm lolz :P but trust me there are people lk this :)

truly and emotionally churning is level 3 of Lonely crier's as i said they add lotsa stress to themselves to hurt themselves more they listen to none even when they can have some real gud thing to listen they avoid as they start beliving themselves as ALL KNOWERS.

Level 1 and 2 of any of these 3 categories are actually bz at the end of they day intensity of each person to cry and react to a situation is different and levels along with the types can easily characterise them easily...I'm sure each one of us can fit into a category ....even when we dont accept it publically we all know some or the other time in life we did cry .....reasons and explainations might be different but its true that we do do cry and IF YOU DONT then you sure arnt human or else a liar :)

choice is your's
oops!!! btw im level 2 Lonely criers kind who's in my group???? :D

adios c ya