Tuesday, December 28, 2010

An Year withdraws....A New begins

New Year is around the corner and its a fresh new year 2011 to begin with :)

I am not keeping any resolutions for me new year is not a time for resolutions ...because i have always believed that an year is a long long time to renew and review yourself. For everytime you do an action the reactions are spontaneous then why wait for one whole year and bring new resolutions ?

For me New year is the time when i review what i have learned all through the year because only an year is a long time that gives you a broader view of smaller happenings. I personally prefer to go to bed every night with a small recap of my daily actions to know what and where i have been wrong, to recall when my action, when my words, when my intentions went wrong and what i could have done in its place. But at the end of the year i know God's vision is mightier than anything and everything.

A few learning that i have from this year:
  • I have learned that an hurried work is necessarily not perfect. And a perfect work is of no use if not done on time.
  • I have learned that every time what you desire for might not be the best for you even though it may look like the best at that moment.
  • I have learned that there has to be someone in your life who should know what you really need and who you really are, because we often forget about ourselves.
  • I have learned that distance is only physical, love is eternal and it has to be there forever.If souls connect everything else falls into place.
  • I have learned that relationships have a deeper meaning than what is seen superficially.
  • I have learned that work has greater meaning than money. Money can buy you everybody but it stays with nobody.
  • I have learned that life's charm is in the tiniest and the biggest things we do. Mediocre acts fall on neither side.
  • I have learned that my happiness is with my loved ones and i am incomplete without them.
  • I have learned that my anger is not really my anger its my care and to be true very people understand it.
  • I have learned that God knows what is best for me and he will hold my hand safely even if i act stubborn.
  • I have learned that my trust on God has increased several folds i find him the reason for everything.
  • I have learned that true friends do not really need to know everything, they just be there for everything.
  • I have learned that getting upset on anyone else other than self is nothing but folly. NO ONE no one other than your own self can give anyone a chance to make you upset.
  • I have learned that trusting the right ones is the most essential. Rest all can do without you.
  • I have learned that  i am happy only because i have a happy safe and smiling set of family and friends.
  • At the end of everything there is always a Happy beginning If you Really want it desperately want it. It will walk straight up to you.
Thank you God for being with me and guiding me every second. :)
Always be with me :) Come new year or not be with me....

Friday, October 1, 2010

Identity Crisis

By this time several debates have been held about the verdict at " Ayodhya - the disputed land " on what judgement is right, what is expected, what implications, who would feel what etc etc. The whole of past week went by listening to advices of eminent members everywhere from tv to newspaper... I wondered what else was left to be discussed :)

Honestly speaking it really did not matter to me what decision was about to come, whether a mandir was to be built or a mazjid did not really bother me. It bothered those who had legitimate insecurities of their existence dependent on the disputed land. What bothered me more was how long are we going to keep getting bothered or scared about these kind of things ??

Even as 2000 AD started which was termed as the so called "21st century.." Digital era , E era and so on. We witnessed how a powerful democracy of the world America voted on religious fundementals namely rejected the concept that they had then termed as "Islamic Terrorism" , 10 years down the line... going back on their words they chose to undo the damage they have already done to the world... by building a mosque on Ground Zero. Unfortunately they have already pushed several thousands of young lads into the deep grave of terrorism, which then to these young lads was the only way to save their identity of religion.

Things have not changed from long 2000 years back or to say 5000 years back ( or even older) when our religious books or religion came into existence, needs were limited to a few several things namely food, clothing, money and faith seemed the only way of connecting to the good within us. So that we can know our purpose of living is to derive the content of happiness from within and not outside. But eventually our age old habit of forcing our beliefs on everyone else overshadowed it. It was still on a bearable edge until came the time when our faiths took shapes of concrete on the face of earth. Prayer houses, faith buildings turned into gatherings of people who had same belief system and each believer used his own way to expand his belief into others. Nobody knows why suddenly people of different faiths started to worry about expanding their faith or who started expanding it first or whether it was forced or amiable but what comes sure into this picture is that who ever did this did it only for one reason and that was "Identity Crisis".

Most often when people meet or greet you and start talking about themselves, they begin by identifying themselves to you "name" is one such thing. Queerly each of our names which could have been a mere identification turned into an identity when attached to our faith. Our "Names" "Surnames" "Village or Town" or "State" or somewhat forgotten these days "Lineage or Gotra" each of these things makes us what we are especially for those who have no other way to assert themselves in front of others. Today we identify Ratan Tata for TATA industries or Dhirubhai Ambani for Reliance industries or Subhash Chandra Bose and Bhagat Singh for their valour as Freedom fighters...do we identify them for being only Parsi or Gujrati or Bengali or Punjabi ?? Many don't but also Many do.

World over people are being subjected through a phase where they are being churned for their identity, where people are craving for being accepted by the larger lot. People want to know what they have in superiority that can be a part of their identity too even if they do not have a pint of their trait in themselves. Dress, fashion, style, latest gadgets etc are merely a superficial part of that same identity crisis of which religion, faith , customs, traditions are an abstruse part. We tend to cling to our identity for being appreciated, for being recognized and for being understood.

Identity crisis is an excuse we use for our lack of courage to pursue and achieve something. Even a small thing like "I am a girl I expect some sympathy." is as much a lack of courage as much is " He lives in a metro obviously he would do better." every now and then you would find people grouping themselves into something for AN EXCUSE. An excuse to do away from a job, to keep failure at a bay, to hold someone else responsible for their failure so on and so forth. Identity crisis can be solved but first and foremost it needs a will, a dare that none of us yet have. We have chosen an easier path by solving through fists and hits than resolving through minds and spirits.

Religion and faith were build to bring us out of a problem to serve as a solution to give away identities to God and live lives as only human beings. But it is amusing thing to see that it is thy our faiths that has brought us to the same door of problems where we had once begun from.

P.S May be next time i would come up with something lighter. Till then bear with my serious mode.
Thank you all :)

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Before clock strikes.....Independence

Warning: Long post of a free and independent mind....no offence intended.

Here I am to write today on the eve before the independence day. Although I have nothing particular to write I know I’d start with nothing and would end up with many things. Today sittng in my bedroom and writing this down on the eve of 14th august sent down within me reminicense of the day just before independence. I am trying to imagine the feelings of people on that very day.. exactly what they must have felt, how much difference did they feel ? did they feel entirely a new world just after the clock stuck 12 ?

Today it is so easy for me to sit in a free world and share my feelings with completely unknown people all over the world. Looking forward to talk to them to know what they feel how they opinise my posts and share what is in my mind. What exactly must have been the situation 63 years ago just before the dawn of independence came. For those people who struggled for ages, got tortured limitlessly for no fault of theirs…how did their world change after independence? Was it only the idea of having a country free from seeing faces of goras? Did we hate just the “gora chamdi”?? or was it the idea of having a whole definion of having a country by your side? Or was it the idea that our children or their children will live in a free world away from the shackless of torture, away from the fear of being killed for their opinions, away from the fear of unknown penalties heaved on them???

On the eve of independence too I am sure there would have been many who would have thought that its futile to be free , their must have been many who must have thought that “ goron ki hukummat hi behtar thi”, there must have been many who would have thought that India will never make it big. And I am also sure there must have been many brave hearts many of them who would have replied them back with hope in their eyes , dreams and faith on their children i.e YOU AND I. Yes, you and I ..their children on whom they had immense faith and dreams in their hearts filled with pride, filled with the pride that their blood will not be any more divided by religions castes creed or colour , that the ideals of free INDIA will definitely come true. A land where no one none of their children will ever have to suffer pangs of hunger, where their children will care for one another and where they would be slaves to none. I take a gasp when I realise the burden of their dreams, I realise we are still so much slaves, I realise its so amazingly easy to struggle and achive something and so tough to maintain it. They have given us such a tough task so tough work and such a painful job of “believing in INDIA and its ideals and uphold its freedom.” So much tough the work is that there is a FRESH BREED of indians who (constantly) look at the “hukummats” of the goras all over the world and feel India will never make it big. Such a gigantic task it is. But unfortunately unlike the believers of Free India on independence day ..we do not have future generations to place our hopes on all we have is WE US and just OURSELVES and just the PRESENT.

When India got its freedom people understood that the nation belongs to “WE”. They had hopes because then it was the start, just the beginning. They could keep hopes from their future generations because they did their part and knew they might not be physically be able to complete the daunting task of maintaining India’s ideals. Unfortunately for them they did not explain us that their hopes shall live only when we all shall be WE. Unfortunately we cannot anymore put our work on the shoulders of our children anymore. Not because our children cannot do it but because what children learn, they learn from their parents and we have broken this link. We did not learn from their struggle and our children would not be able to learn from us too. Little by little we have broken this link. I am not blaming things on my generation neither the youth or the old I take the blame on myself. I who at many instances was unable to do little things for my country that I should have had. From little things like throwing garbage on streets or wasting water or petrol, to bigger things like being unable to react when my known ones ridiculed somebody based on caste or creed. I am hurt and I am sorry I feel sorry for all the disrespects I have shown to any of my fellow Indians , I am sorry for the pledge I took in my school felt insulted everytime I ignored it for sake of practicality. I have broken the link. The link of maintaining INDIA's freedom ideals.

So unfortunate is every incident that today I feel I should have been beaten with sticks for not being able to keep up to the expectations of my Freedom Parents (freedom fathers and mothers ). I wish there had been some wand of God that could have hit me at every mistake I made against my nation. Unfortunately there is no wand. For freedom the cane of God is our own conciousness, that which we have shunned (not sold unlike what is said). We have rebuked our good will so many times that the voice within has stopped responding. I now realise how important is punishments, a timely punishment irrespective of wether you are old or young punishments for every wrong is necessary. I wish there had been a few men amongst freedom fighters who would have never grown old and I wish they had every right to punish anybody they saw go against the ideals of Free India that they had so painfully achieved.

Today on the eve on 14th august I see two news running simultaneously in front of me a young lady in delhi who dashes a car when drunk and shows of her power by threatening to pay crores and I see another news when young tribal/adivasi women hunt down a man for selling desi sharab so that they can now have some money for their family. Two sets of women two sets of power and one person in front of tv looking hopelessly is me. I do not know what I can do right now to change these equations in India and I am sure many of us who read this will experience the same helplessness.

I watch pieces of painfull news I see on one hand scenes from leh where my fellow men, women and children are struggling to get back their lives on roads. On another hand I see my fellow men from kashmir on roads, they say they hate India. On one hand I see my brave army men loosing their lives to save us on border on another hand I see my fellow men who help infiltraters to kill our brave men on borders. On one hand I see pangs of hunger one another hand I see government official whose IT raid sprung 2crore gold from his drawer. I feel pained I cry and I feel helpless.

One important traitor who has a hand in everything of these pains is money corruption competition. Yes not just corruption but Money Corruption and Competition. The idea or notion of getting and keep getting more is injurious to you me our kids and our country. Corruption has not dropped from sky in our hearts of hearts many of us know who are corrupt , many of them are within us , it may be you yourself, your father, your relative, your friend,your friends father or may be our children etc who takes the bribe. Can we stop them ?? have we tried stopping them? Have we told them ever “papa I donot need a bike anymore please donot take bribes” ?? have we??.........have we stopped demanding ?? have the so called MNC’s stopped preaching lesser money and more satisfaction?? Have the wives told their husbands “I donot need another gold set??” …. Have we stopped demanding??Have we ever put a stop at our needs??

Most importantly have we ever made our known corrupt family members that we are ashamed that they take bribes??.

Many of us who are reading now can do two simple things. Two simplest of things that can save India and its future. And that is:

a) Identify corrupt people within us , like I said they are within us and we know them. Talk to them tell them lovingly to stop taking bribe(you would atleast know who takes a bribe within your family ? wont you?? Your very closed ones??). Make them feel ashamed of their bribes, make them feel bad. They would hit you scold you or ridicule you, stop talking to you but they would feel definitely feel bad atleast 1 in 10 times they would refuse a bribe and whoa that would be for your words. If each of us can do this think how much difference we can make to India with our constant effort within a decade.

b) We have tackled the existing generation now time to buck up the generation after us our children. This shouldnot be taught they would do as they see their parents if you and I can pledge to teach our kids that they should live with the essentials and be satisfied with what we have. Then neither will their wishes be the reason for us to take bribe nor in their own lives they will ever get corrupted.

Think of it here is a man who takes bribe you know him and he is the one responsible for you not getting your desired country (directly or indirectly). They are a part of corrupt mindset that is hurting me today shall hurt many more in the future. We have to KILL THIS MINDSET. His bribe might not effect you today but somebody’s bribe will……..and then we wil blame others again. Stop it now. Pledge just the two above points and practise them constantly. Things will change for sure.

Hopefully we will then never have to blame anybody nor will we have to ever feel burdened with dreams of independence. We will then celebrate freedom in real sense….


I am adding a comment from my comment box because i think i could not explain my mind properly in my article. For a better and shorter picture i add my this comment from my comment box.

" hii.. and 1st of all thank you for liking the post :)
See I am not saying do not bribe i am not saying so because for not it is not a practical step .. we are surrounded by people who will take bribe no matter what they would never feel the guilt because they would justify their deeds for their needs for their familes ,inflation etc...
here is where i believe we can bring a change see if we keep waiting for a brilliant plan for a brilliant man for some brilliant day to come and cut it in one go it will never happen...
for the simple reason that we are a heard of people who like following people around us..

So the best place to hit hard corruption is at Heart NOT at Head..
People will stop taking bribes ONLY and ONLY when they feel ashamed of taking bribe..
with punishments
with police
with death sentence
with ill treatment

It will only happen with intention.Corrupt people are within us they have families, they are PARENTS to some children ... they are relatives to some of us...

Imagine a child walking up to his father and saying "Dad I hate it when you justify taking bribe for me,I do not want a new bike I can live without it but please dont take bribe next time."

This is something that will have a moral implication on the father. Every time we give away to a temptation and push our parents for giving it to us, we push them to get corrupted.
Imagine if this becomes a craze in India that every child, every wife keeps reminding this to his father or husband. Would a man not feel ashamed the next time he takes money???
He would..

So my point is simple,we give way to corruption everytime we like something temptational like gr8 clothes gr8 gadgets gr8 food... If our youth begins a craze to live life in a Simpler mode. WE TOO CAN ELIMINATE corruption without waiting for a BRILLIANT PLAN.

Now all we need is a plan to make this craze a hit.. :) simpler

Sorry the answer was a little too long...
i hope i could still explain a part of what was in my mind.. "

Monday, May 24, 2010


There is this huge fascination that I share with ants. :-) ever since I was a kid I was fond of using all my boring summer afternoons either in deep naps :P or watching ants their lines, the way they walk talk with their little antennas. Aww…all my afternoon I would get those small bits of sugar for them and lie them on their way :-) . Some people like feeding fishes some like feeding dogs some feed cows BUT I Love feeding ANTS :-)

I never hurt them but there’s something that fascinates me about them. I keep wondering how the world would be for them how they see the world do they ever realize how much hard work they put in for such a little distance of food. No they don’t. They travel with twist and turns of 50-60 cms what can be directly reached in 10 cms.

They would perhaps travel the periphery of our drawing room and presume it to be the whole world…what might be just 10 steps for you and me. We are so huge in comparison to them that we can twist them, kill them, hit them, sway them away from their lines, we can presume to be (at least) their God yet irrespective of whatever happens in their lines they keep working…

I remember listening to the story of grasshopper and an ant. And as a grown up today find such startling similarities between a Bhogi person who is attached to the deepest level to his life and a person who performs Nishkaam karma…
Ants might be a part of our jokes with elephants, rats, hares etc yet they seem to picture a sense of dignity when I think about them…
They are small really small some ants might even be deadly and dangerous (those found in forests) yet they command a sense of respect when I think about them…
Small humble and someone who performs his duties irrespective of how many problems one faces is a person who can command a sense of respect and dignity from all of us and yet ants do not care what we think of them. It still continues to work.

Today as an aware science student I know about many characteristics of ants. Their categories, their behavioral pattern, mothers ants, their hierarchical system, family pattern etc yet I chose to view them as a Pattern of Dedicated workers whose work is tons of time more important than any competition..
more important than any jealousy…
above any greed to get first (rather once a food is found an ant collects all others to share)…
outdoes any results at end…

An Ant is someone or a collective group of someone we should learn from or at least remember when in times of trouble. Well back to square one I think I better get up and feed the ants I can see one line round my room… let me see what they are up to now :-) or where they are up by now :-)…


P.S Feed ants at your risk ... i don not risk feeding red ants or fire ants :P I am happy feeding them from safe distance. So keep safe and do not blame it on me :)

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Romantic Poem

I feel your hands turn cold
When you try being bold

Under the star studded sky
You smile dry

I hold your hands
Look into your eyes
Trying to hold your tears for a while

I know it does not mean any end
But it is not a beginning trend

I gather my courage to say your words “what’s next”
And snuggle like mere birds in a nest

We breathe in and say together
“I will always love you may come what ever”

And then we smile again
Something is holding us avoiding us to drain
We feel the pain
Yet we know our love hasn’t gone vain

We have promised
Promised to stay happy and blessed

You rub your face against my face
And we realize we are now out of every race

A race that could have divided our contact
Has lost to our love that’s forever intact...

 - Forever Love
Adios :-)

Friday, April 9, 2010

What really causes Anger...

I just recently read an article in a newspaper about anger management and it contained every detail from what is anger? The body mechanism during anger? How to control it the exercises practice etc…. How ever I was surprised when none of this thing concentrated on Why anger is build up at the first place??

None of us know why and when we would get angry and so angry that we completely lose control over ourselves. I kept thinking and thinking about it for long I mean there are no similarities in the situation when we get angry, no similarities on the person we get angry, no apparent particular reason why we get angry it could be as small as your child not eating his food to as big as somebody cheating you. Its daily its been on run everyday. Even then never have we been able to understand Why and how this anger builds up? What exact mechanism is responsible for this anger?


I might not be a preacher but a mere observer hence I put forward a view of what I feel.
Have you ever noted that in every topic or in every situation there is always someone who is in Favor of the topic and one who is Against that topic, the number of people in support or defiance may be different but even then there will be few people on both sides. And why does that happen? Because apparently people of both sides have a few reasons to prove their sides CORRECT. The truth is also the same. There is never a side which is completely bad or completely good. What might be favorable to me might go against your beliefs. In short in what ever topic you begin to talk about YOU WILL FIND CERTAIN AMOUNT OF RESISTANCE.


Now we tend to trust ourselves too much “We know How to correct the world” we want to change everything outside to make ourselves feel good be it the roads the government makes, be it the food my wife cooks, be it the grades my kids get , even solving controversies like sania shoaib apparently with whom I have no connection. I just want these things the way I want “that makes me feel good and satisfied”. It’s not particularly about anything rather everything that we dislike we want them to change from people to things “THE WHOLE WORLD must do WHAT I WANT”.  This predefined notion of “TRYING TO CHANGE AND CONTROL things and people like we want” causes us to get angry. Be it at office, home, school, college or neighborhood you would definitely find someone who’s always cribbing worrying about everything and we all hate that person don’t we??
Why?? It’s a simple thing. We all have our ideas about a particular happy life and we never want to do “what others want us to do”. Then how can we expect every living and non-living being to do what I want. Living beings won’t change their nature & non living can’t change their nature.

Lets see your day:

You get up late in the morning your wife didn’t wake you up. Have an important deadline to cover.

You feel frustrated and angry on your wife for getting late. Curse the office for being so early. (even if its at 11). Feel burdened to drop kids to school.

Willing to control others and situation.
You hit the shower in hurry and get ready and rush to work and face heavy traffic.
Your mood is already foul plus you curse the traffic, the government, migrating people, population etc.

Willing to control non living external factors.
Reach work, the day gets worse you slog even more apparently the Boss seems in no good mood.

You get angry as nothing seems to be in order. You wish the boss could change, the deadline for work be a little extended or you could completely get a change in job with a better salary.

Again willing to change other people and situation.
You get back home. No more energy to continue. Your wife and kids may put up problems for you to solve.
You feel like nobody in this house is responsible. Feel burdened to do everything alone. Scream and get angry on family.
Wanting external factors and people to agree to your will.

Though this is just an example it might be different in different cases. In each of these situations one thing that is common is the idea of wanting everything external other than ourselves to change to adjust to what I feel is correct. And WE ALL KNOW EVERYTHING IN WORLD WILL NEVER AGREE TO WHAT I SAY. There will always be someone differing us. At this WE GET ANGRY. We do not waste a second to think that our expectations of everything perfect can never come true. But we easily say “No one can be perfect, so I’m not perfect either”. J

Irritation and Frustration:
These are big words. Big words of dictionary whose mere pronunciation draws us into a stressful situation (another Big word).

Irritation is the act of causing disturbance. Lets take an e.g. you are sitting and waiting for someone in a restaurant. And the person on the next table is patting his pen on table. You the very next moment would get irritated. Even though you know the actions of the other person is purely self indulging and does not harm you. We still want the other person to act with minimum decency or Code of conduct SET BY US. A small act that disturbs our calmness right before something good.

Frustration builds up when someone or something prevents or hinders our plans or efforts to achieve our desires. Like the example we took above the man wants to control everything external is blaming everybody else the whole day and thus being RESISTED by everything, like I said in every topic whatever side you belong to right or wrong (perspective) you will always face some resistance. Now the level of frustration is controlled if the Resistance is low e.g. a docile wife (ohms law max. flow of electricity), and frustration is uncontrolled if Resistance is high & unbreakable e.g. your boss or our government who will never do things like we want.

In situations like above where resistance is very high we suffer from frustration that needs anger management. Every big or small matter causes our fuse to blow because we have no mechanism to get things done our way and thus no way to be happy. I hope you get what I’m trying to say. It’s a chain system.

Things out of control àLose calm à Get disturbed à Perform badly à Get AngryàMore things get out of controlà Get frustrated irritated irrationally angry à cycle repeats.

We are all laborers pulling our expectations, wishes, and dreams and never wondering “what if it doesn’t come true?” And when we even think of negative side we say “I don’t want to think about it. We should be positive.” That means things should be exactly MY WAY. Yes we should be positive but should not close our eyes. Pushing our dreams and expectations and happiness dependent on other external factors that are well beyond our control will always lead us to sadness or anger. Controlling anger is the idea of SELF-control, accepting the fact that only I can change what ever lies in me and that everyone else has there particular reason to think that they are correct. Every time we try to enter and dominate a person or situation we will be gifted with anger. Now the cycle has to be broken by us , every little thing won’t hurt us if we accept everybody has their reasons or at least try to accept it. This will definitely reduce your palpitation is little-little things and you will never need an Anger management course. J

P.S: The topic is too long I wish I could explain it in a better way. But it’s a basic observation would like to discuss it as per the real life possibilities. Comments and criticism welcome.
adios :)

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Facebook jitters our minds

How do you choose friends?? Hmm … I guess when we know somebody think we can spend more time with each other than just "hi hello" then may be we decide “We are friends”. And how do say you do not want to be friends anymore?? You either stop talking to that person or put it straight “friends no more.”  And every time you do like this I’m sure you have some valid reason like your friend has hurt you someway or the other.

What if for the same rejection of a friend you are offered a Burger?? Grab a burger and ditch a friend. Would you do that?
Many did that. That’s the magic of the virtual world, where friends are added in a jiffy to prove popularity, friends are also deleted with a face value for a burger. Yap that had been the latest fad in America for quiet some long time last year and how. Whopper Sacrifice application made waves for its creative (and aggressive) use of Facebook friend removals.

Some of these things make you wonder what the value of a friend has scummed down to. I remembered the age old friendship where people once shared sacrificed endless things for the sake of their friends and simultaneously had a great laugh imagining the faces of people who read the notification of their “so called” friends that they where scrapped of for the sake of a burger.

Virtual world and social networking has been in debate since the day it came in our country the pace of life suddenly started to boom out , suddenly we realized we had no time for friends school friends college friends ex-friends so on and so forth and amidst it all we decided we need to connect and connect and keep connecting. Young old all wanted a piece of the cake without realizing what it might lead to. Yes social networking has been a great place to meet your old pals stay in touch with them and know them better. But one honest question to ourselves “have we just stuck to this agenda??”.

Maggie a facebook user said: I would be totally psyched if they kept the application but disabled the de-friend notification! That’s the whole reason I didn’t want to do it. Maybe it’s a generational thing–and this is totally my observation–but I think recent Facebook converts take “friend” way too seriously and being “de-friended” would cause all kinds of real-life drama. (I am 40, to give you an idea of where my perspective comes from). For “young” people Facebook is more casual and more about fun–if you know a person, or a person one of your people knows, or whatever–you friend them but don’t think much of it. It’s more of a popularity thing to have a million friends. But the older demographic that is joining Facebook in droves was most likely dragged kicking and screaming and was very skeptical about the whole thing–then started loving it as they connected with old friends. It’s way more personal for “older” people–and they would definitely be offended to be “de-friended.”
Another user heatfan said: “I sacrificed 10 friend to get my free Whopper. They took the best part of the application, your friends getting a message that they were being sacrificed for a Whopper. If you did not want your friend to know that you had sacrificed them for a free Whopper, then you should not have used the Application.”

Few people like Maggie might have stayed back with this idea of connecting old pals but not everyone. It is not just about an FB application rather the mindset of people for whom realities of life are actually a back burn of some video game. I can take up several examples and try and show you how kids do not realize what things might lead to. If today you value a friendship no more than a mere number shown on your facebook account how can we expect these kids to show more value while deleting them? A mere burger might still be big they might delete it if FB says we shall give you a star (nothing but an icon) for every deletion you make. Everyone would start deletion as if there’s some sudden spur or competition. Where have we got this mindset from why this speed and why this rush ?? Money power ?? authority?? What does it give us back?

We have lost the thoughts of THINK WAIT then REFLECT. Those are left as mere posters in enlightened places or mere preaches from elders. Actually we might start reasoning and defending this too but this definitely has a deeper reason. May be we have created this…? 

A race of selfishness has just begun it has started and we have no time to rear the next generation with any better values. The tougher the situation is the busier the world gets and we really have no time for anybody if not for ourselves.

 adios :)

P.S- I shall come up with some more thoughts keep waiting. Would write shorter article’s now on, sorry if they seem either too preachy or too lengthy to be read. Better write shorter articles than seeing them edited when published on newspapers for space constrains.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Being Yourself

Sometimes being the “odd one out” factor is scary to all of us. So we Copy. Someone once asked, "When we are all born originals, why do so many of us die copies?"

Child is original:

When a child is born he’s natural himself and unknown to the complications of world. It is in the DNA of us humans that implant certain features into him through which a child quickly develops to adjust and react to his environment. He “imitates” , he imitates his elders, he imitates his siblings, he imitates animals and slowly and steadily growing up he understands imitating certain actions are a way of doing things or so called “discipline” to be HUMAN.

With every step a child takes in his life he’s given “dos and don’ts” from his family, friends and society. It might be out of sheer protection but eventually an amiable person develops the “fear of being different from others” and this is what makes him stop being what he is.

*Amit engineer aged 68 confesses “ I always wanted to be a singer but those days nobody had the freedom to do what they wanted to, neither were there so many options nor did the society accept it as a well to do profession. Today my children and grand children inspire me to learn music and do what I always wanted to do unlike my elders. ” He might be just one of those who have suppressed their wishes and willingness to the fear of being different. Afraid to come out in open face society, afraid of rebukes from elders or afraid to face the unknown destiny which lies at the end of their choice could be one of many reasons that might have scared them. For how long people tolerate it and that too unknowingly is still unknown. We might not even know “that we do copy”.

Herd mentality and Ancient India:

An interesting and natural factor that breeds within all human beings is that we feel comfortable in herd. It is sort of a herd mentality doing exactly what the others are doing. Herd mentality is “how people are influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors, follow trends, and/or purchase items” from social customs to personal dressing, from latest technology to daily habits nobody seems to questions “why” or “what” we are doing. In India learning was never restricted to merely replicating the taught unlike understood by many. The oldest of the Upanishads dated from around 500 BC. These texts encouraged an exploratory learning process where teachers and students were co-travelers in a search for truth. The teaching methods used reasoning and questioning. Nothing was labeled as the final answer, ideas and answers collided and no one was singled out because of a different thought or perspective rather it was always welcome. However over many generations questioning got restricted making us and our attitude of experimentation only more fearful. We were always a breed of knowledgeable people “then why have we stopped accepting new things today??”

Honesty to self:

Being true and true to oneself is the biggest confidence provoking method. *Avanti a sociology student says “I know its not possible to be honest and truthful with everyone but one should always be true to his own self that adds lots of guts to single out and walk when no one’s with you like goes a song in Bengali “jodi tor daak shune kyo na aashe tobe ekla cholo re” (when no one comes on your call have the dare to walk alone) . Your honesty might frustrate others take for instance you might like to attend a lecture while your friends want to bunk it what do you chose to do? You bunk right…that’s simple you know what you like yet you ignore for simply being scared of doing it alone.”

You are special:

Every person is different in views, thoughts, talents, behavior and so on. You are unique the way you talk, the way you smile, the way you walk, cry, laugh its all different you need never be scared of being either a size zero or achieving something exactly what the other one does. Knowing yourself gives you the best of chances to enjoy some great moments with your own self. Rather than justifying your aloofness smile and know someday you would be remembered for your “individualism”. If you are still not convinced try this for a week, literally think before you speak. Say what you truly feel and not what is expected of you, what you say out of sheer habit. This does not mean that you put yourself under the pressure of coming up with brilliant and innovative statements. But rather speak you mind muster some courage to take a stand for the person you love the most “YOURSELF”. Begin to Love yourself slowly without any extra efforts you would be Original.

Taking the responsibility:

Once you know you are Original, you are bound to take the responsibility of your actions for instance if you don’t need X-tra loaded phone unlike your friends and you have chosen a simple one for yourself “Don’t shy away” from using it, once twice or thrice your friends will say you simply smile the next time they would never talk about it. Similarly if you have chosen a certain career based on your instincts and liking be stubborn and ready to face its consequences, every different career route has its destiny and has its share of struggle be prepared to face it.

As goes the saying of Swami Vivekananda -

"Stand up, be bold, be strong. Take the whole responsibility on your own shoulders, and know that you are the creator of your own destiny.”

"Whatever you think you'll be. If you think yourselves weak, weak you'll be; if you think yourselves strong, strong you'll be."

Being yourself is being original , you will soon find herd of people following you, you will find people being friends with you and you will also find people jealous of you all because of your confidence and mindset that has made you different. Life will always remain a bunch of good and bad things striving through it with your own methods will give you satisfaction tones of times more than following any group or being.

Be yourself, be original and stand correct, you will never feel the need of being proven to anybody.

(*Names changed to protect identity)

Monday, February 1, 2010

Home Makers or Pay Makers ??

*Sheila Jain is a housewife or to be given a more meaningful name a home maker. She does not feel elated by this name as for her its still quiet the same. She gets up 5:30 in the morning gets fresh and pushes herself to the kitchen where she finishes filling water chores and tea and tiffin making chores by 6.30 then she wakes up her little boy and drives him to school by 7.30. Next she has to next start making tea coffee breakfast and then lunch for her husband and her in laws then run around with her maid. Next shoots her day in her home after 12 its time for her to re-cook lunch and clean her kitchen. She pleads sometime for herself by 2 but she then has to welcome her kid next. She smilingly does that and feeds her boy. By 6 she makes her way for the evening snacks and tea and later by 7.30 she heads preparing for the dinner since she hardly wishes to compromise with her daily soaps. By 11.30 her day ends and while going to bed she feels it’s only the night that’s only for me next day everything begins the same way.

For most housewives’s the schedule is quiet the same, how each one deals with the daily work depends on the willingness of the home maker. As the name suggests she is the living light of a home, a maker of the foundation of the first brick of society “Family”. But from past 2 decades India has been on a rapid change, a change that’s inevitable to not effect even on the part of housewives. Indian homes are no longer a part of the old traditional joint families and no longer the life in cities is left comparable to that of the past. Life is fast family members need to earn more money to survive in cities and so the trend of being a housewife is simply on decrease, partly because women have themselves chosen to be a part of work-force and partly they are forced to work.

When a home maker or a mother cares for her family she keeps a lot of things in her mind from the kind of preferences family members have, to the kind of restrictions they have. She has to keep in mind and maintain a thin balance between freedom and discipline in family. She cares for what who’s choice is from food, to clothes, to holidays etc at the same time she has to discipline her kid to study, her husband to eat correct, her in laws to eat medicines so on and so forth. Each of these looks so miniscule but it’s a job that needs endless attention and thoughtfulness that no matter what - a maid or an outsider can never give. The story of institutionalizing marriage is the need of adding wholesomeness to the smallest unit of society, which fulfills both the physical and emotional requirements of a human being, the mother or the home maker being the deity in that. Have these deities’s been rightly praised and valued???

The average housewife is said to work almost nine hours a day, seven days a week. If the same hours were worked in another job it would warrant a salary of about **15000INR. So when the thought of “Paying our home makers” arose from west there where many people who can forward to support the stance. But will a given amount of salary to a housewife do justice to a mother who spends her labour selflessly on her child??? Who should be giving the salary?? Would it not demean the mother’s role in her house?? Would she next time get the same respect from her child as she gets for her selfless sacrifice in their upbringing?? Yet demanding a pay for their sacrifice seems to be the new way of gaining that recognition that women have been deprived of for ages.

*Mrs Singh aged 65 a housewife states “Yes, they should. If you can pay an outsider for those jobs, the same rule should be applicable to a family member too. And nobody can match the commitment levels of a housewife. This will make her feel important and eventually lead to some savings as most housewives will spend the money on the family only.” On the contrary her daughter *Shweta aged 20 college student says “I don’t think so. This will act as a big hindrance to the education of a girl child. Today, girls are encouraged to study, earn and become independent. If they are paid for household work, many parents will stop sending them to school. This may also result in early marriage of girls. “

Now a mother daughter fight bought into our notice another important question – “Who should pay??” while shweta said it’s the government who should be paying the housewives arguing “What’s the use if husbands pay?? The total money within the house will be the same pass from one hand to another.” On the other side Mrs Singh wanted her husband to pay “I want him to know how hard my work is and while paying so much to me he would know my value at home.”

On asking “If paying home makers for their tasks at home correct way to value them??” - *Manoj an engineering student and a MBA aspirant explains “Society should always try to reward its citizens for vital work in some degree at least. Under a capitalist system the value of goods and services is recognized in financial terms, so a wage would recognize the important contribution of homemakers. As well as being important, housework is physically taxing, time consuming and in balancing the needs of a household, a relatively specialized task. These features are all valued highly by the marketplace, and it is a pure accident of history that home makers have not been included in this. “

On the other hand their where many who wanted women to be recognized and valued for their work but completely disagreed on the thought that husbands should pay their wife’s at all. *Meenal a soon to be married girl said “No...a woman is not her husbands servant or housemaid. Monetary compensation would be an insult. If a woman now days is lucky enough to stay home, raise her children, and provide the best environment she can for her family, while her husband is working outside the home to provide the means, that is how it should be. It's a partnership, not a business deal.” And keeping accords with her *Anju opined “No way! How demeaning would that be?! It also opens up a whole gamut of other problems including "boss/employee" expectations, and lets face it, do we really want to give husbands any more power over us?”

Our society needs not just housewives who struggle at home for their work but women who work dedicatedly for their families. And it is for the well being of a happy and healthy family to value and appreciate a mother, a wife whenever required after all rules of Motivation follows for every human being. Brick by brick good work has to be heightened; the benefits of having mothers at home would become apparent soon. I expect we’d find a nation where, on average, our children were better educated, truancy were diminished, broken homes were decreased, crime were severely curtailed, society be more gender balanced and even though our ways of doing things change with time we wouldn’t change in heart. Beauty of a home maker is in her values and sufferings she endures for her loved ones the only thing she genuinely wishes to see is her importance in the eyes of those whom she loves. Is it so difficult for us to recognize this?????

( *Names changed to protect identity ** Pay based on a hospitality services survey)


Courtesy - Comments and quotations internet/ opinions personal copyrighted post

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Adopting your Parenthood

Miss Universe and film actress Sushmita Sen, is a single mother who adopted a second child in a row. As she puts it, - "this little girl needed a mom and I needed a child." It can be as simple and beautiful as that. Not just celebrities, but also common people, who wish to remain single, adopt children, in order to experience the joys of parenthood.

In India adoption has been prevailing since ages. Even the great epics like Ramayana and Mahabharata depicted adoption. It is great characteristic of Hindu culture that though out the Hindu period, right from the Vedic age to this date, the Hindus have always desired to have natural born son for the spiritual benefit and the continuation of lineage, yet right from the Vedic age, the existence of secondary sons in one form or the other has been recognised. References of Khetraja (Soil born son), Kanina (Mainden son), Dattaka (Adopted son) can be found in the Vedic literature. Most of these concepts of secondary sons in the course of time became obsolete and during the British period only natural sons and adopted sons existed. Still in India adoption for ages has been a tough time to deal with. The idea was to retain the property in the family sphere. Religious view was also a reason. The need for a male to perform the obsequies was critically needed. Although the main reasoning factor was the continuation of family line, yet many other religious motives were present in this regard. Adoption once became almost mandatory; otherwise the householder could never escape the tentacles or hell called Punnama Naraka (portion of hell set apart for son less males).

Nevertheless its time to celebrate we are in the 63rd Independence year and Adoption and its meaning have changed a lot in the minds of our society and in the hands of our laws. Though adopting a child is still a tough procedure to go with,
becoming Parents Biologically or by adoption are two different yet unique experiences. The process of adoption might take one through a gamut of emotions ranging from intense hurt and grief to inexpressible joy.

Parenthood is parenthood no matter how it comes into being either biologically or through adoption. It often goes hand in hand with being married.
Infertility is most often seen only as a medical problem, but such a viewpoint overlooks the emotional and psychosocial aspects, which are probably more important to the couple. Most couples simply assume that conceiving, childbearing and giving birth are matters of choice and an inevitable outcome of a marriage. Hence, an inability to conceive or to take a pregnancy to full term is an unexpected and traumatic shock. When you cannot have biological children, and when you think you might miss out on the experience of parenting, you may experience a void in your life. Infertility shows that in 40% of the cases the man is the cause, in another 40% it is the woman, and the couple share the problem in the remaining 20%. Still ignorance leads society to most often hold the woman responsible for childlessness.

Though Thankfully adoption did change its outlook in the modern society, its not just married couples adopting kids because of infertility its infact a huge number of Single parents both men and women willing to adopt kids and give them a happier life. More and More mature and successful men and women who do not feel the need of a partner are happier to have just a child in their life it fills the vacant space in their lives and adds meaning to it.
*Rohit a single father says "
A word to the wise and I cannot stress this point enough. There are indeed a lot of parents waiting to adopt and the theory says that there is a ‘pecking order’. The reality is that good orphanages want to see their children settled with good families and they will match suitable families with suitable children based on their experience rather than simply waiting lists alone. Adoption in any country requires lots of patience, lots of perseverance, lots of time and some expense. So India is no different. "

Despite the difficulty and the long processes involved in it, the joy of being called a "Mumma" and "Dadda" from an angel's lips there's nothing like it. A successful adoption needs open communication, acceptance and a supportive environment in which one can discuss adopting a child as a viable alternative means of achieving parenthood. Another Father Rajashree delightfully says "
Ist December'1990 was the most precious and important day for us. Our daughter Madhura entered our home. We were excited and delighted with her sweet smile and brown, round big mischievous eyes. She made our house a real home. But on all above this is she who has made us "parents" a "mother" and a "father". "

Somehow the meaning of adoption loses its value when people tend to express their choices not with love but with profitability.
A person who is willing to adopt should not be driven by narrow considerations like sex and color of the child. Some couples only want boys, while some want fair girls. However, such choices defeat the purpose of bringing home and accepting a stranger. However every child needs love and understanding merely segregating the feelings of a child because of his/her incapability of fulfilling your needs defeats the feelings of parenthood.

Dr. Anjali.M a child specialist says "
Adoptive parents should always keep in mind that children in adoption centers may not be the bouncing, bonny babies. They may have born underweight as a result of poor pre-natal care, malnutrition & undernourishment of the biological mother. With proper care & love, the child should soon blossom into good health. "

Most important of it all is that in any country or in any culture the will to adopt and nurture a homeless child has survived over mindless rituals. Adoptive parents should keep in mind that despite the struggle and hardships involved in the process of adoption the end result is a bundle full of joy in your arms. Just like a child is born and is meant to grow so are the parents who are born with the feelings of parenthood it only grows many folds with your child and his love. Parenthood is high above any boundaries.

( *Names changed to protect identity )


Courtesy - Comments and quotations internet/ opinions personal

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