Friday, December 21, 2012

I have raped .............

This is a random post probably no forethought or excercise was required by me to write this. I just didn't know how to put this in front. Too much has been going on around us Rape rape rape. My ears are bleeding , my eyes are sore and my heart still pounding.

I feel like a rapist today
I have raped my own soul when i don't have the courage to stand against the wrong
When I hear people sigh at the birth of a daughter. I see a rape happening of a mother's desire of nuturing her loved one, of her happiness , of all her dreams she build little by little around that womb. Not knowing a single change of a body part would wreak havoc on her angel.

I have raped my Creator's creation when i cannot be a part of his nature and i build a castle for my greed.
When I do what i have done to my Mother Earth. Plundering its beauty bit by bit , dumping our never ending toxic material in her womb. Robbing her off her minerals because I am greedy greedy for comfort, for fun what less is this act of mine than not a sensual pleasure. It was need to be safe and to keep safe. But i am quiet watching it turn into a graveyard.

I have raped people's confidence. When i had been non appreciative to somebody, killed that tiny expectation that waited all day for a kind word. I killed and violated that hope because i did not feel it was important.

I have raped many faith. When i lied to people who trusted me or even those who never trusted me. I have devoured the tiny mankind i had in myself because i was saving myself from wrong situation.

I have raped my own love and compassion. When i decided not to ever love or trust anyone because i was betrayed by someone. Because i was being protective about myself i felt stopping who I really am at best.

I have raped my peace. When i felt past and future mean more to me than my present.

I have raped my own body. When i performed a 100 changes i wanted in , it in my mind to be what i felt was "perfect ME". Fairness advertisements, physique changing promises , prettiness certificates, beautiful praises was I really not trying to be better than someone else was I really trying to be me.

I have raped my duties. When i was accounting the world for my rights. I failed to do my duties, my duty to be present with a needy, to let go off my wish for someone, to be holding each one equally, to give more than get. Arranging everything to be perfect outside ignoring my chaos inside.

I have raped my history. When I am trying to create a future without its foundation. When i ignored the old for the youth. I forgot the lessons for the excietment.

I have raped my own voice when i am not able to speak my mind on all things
When I see sexually explicitly content making their way on our everyday newspapers , webpages , advertisements, when i see people who speak about individual freedom exploit it inside every individual mind because they are a part of society that wants to earn money.

I have raped many and much more. I don't feel like a victim anymore. Nor am I very worried about my physical safety. I know i am safe and my God keeps me safe every second. I am more worried about my other aspect. I am worried about being a rapist. Worried about plundering the most precious things in my life and yet being unaware of it.

This "I" could be you me or for that sake anybody. We are all rapists , all criminals. We do so much wrong all the time and so little , so little are even things we are aware of rest everything goes unnoticed by us. Just because there is no law to catch us red handedly , no one to watch us , do we have the right to plunder which is not rightfully ours. All we care about is I, me and myself. Every tiniest desire we create has more to do with our happiness than anyone else's. We all are such hypocrities , we talk such humane when a news pops up but we ignore what we do every day. With every one , with every tiny emotion , with ourselves turning our face away from who we are truly originally , turing ourselves every second into somebody the world wants us to be.
Does a rape happen to a girl alone?? Physically alone ?? I feel ashamed we think that way. We are not changing as people. We are not being human with human.
I don't know if i have the right to talk about rape. What is rape anyway ??? is it only to force someone to have sex ? or is it to destroy someone of its possession ?

P.S - Please pardon me for my grammatical mistakes or contextual mistakes. And if it has hurt you it was meant to hurt so that you can peek inside your own mind like I am inside mine. Trying to answer my question what I have raped from myself ??

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Obsessive Parenting

A few days ago I saw some parents in Norway being held for mishandling their children because the child had peed in his pants, some days ago I read an article where few youngsters killed 3 members of a family to steal money and later the teenager confessed being partner in crime himself to make things equal with his kin and then I read another newspapers article of horror killing by a brother who cut his sisters throat for marrying her love. All different incidences, in different places, different religions and most importantly different socio-economic conditions. I do not know how many of us read so many stories everyday in the papers and then steal away our faces from them linking these stories to various reasons economical, material, cultural, regional etc and believe they will never come face to face with us. How blind we are? I wonder.
When we read stories like these I feel an instant urge of connecting them all together by our basic unit in society “Family” and most importantly a trait that all these stories had “Obsessive Parenting.”  You may ask me how and why do I connect them this way but I have a reason to do so.

Parenting is a natural instinct of any life form. In nature it is brought into an animal as basic instinct which transfers through genes and inspires every animal to be the perfect parent without any external help. The role of parent begins from the day the child is conceived in the womb of the mother. The feeding, needing, resting and loving of the child can be seen easily in the body language of animals.
However nature also has different ways of parenting:
If I begin from the smallest life sources of bacteria which split in the process of creating the next one and next level of insects or few other egg laying animals. They let the young one discover their world all by themselves all alone scientifically correct  because being simple life forms their functions in their bodies are extremely limited and do not specifically need any training from their parents. Their large numbers is the guarantee of survival of their race.
The next one is some other egg laying animals like birds, some reptiles and mostly mammals. Each of them is a complex life form and thus each of them shares small or big special role as a parent in helping the little one adapt with the new world. And then after sometime lets the child find a new horizon.
The next level is us. Human beings, probably the most complex life form available on earth. Thanks to our brain development we share the most unique relationship with our children. Not only does a human parent help the child adapt to the new world but also become the provider of every need, protector at every danger and guide to every action. This is indeed the most wonderful of all relationships on earth. Until came the time when we got obsessed with our children.
The reason behind all these 3 incidents was the extreme urge of the parents to make their child perfect. Perfect according to what they believe was right. The first incident of Norway the parents wanted their specially gifted child to adapt to the ways as a normal child – all good in their intention but that desire went to outdo the child’s capacity to change his present abilities. The next incident the teenager was compared to the extremes with his kin – again all good in the intention of the parent to improve the child, but that criticism, comparison and constant rejection was killing the teenager from within. Then a little attention and acceptance from his “so called” friends pulled him into the circle of crime. The next was still more extreme I still keep wondering how obsessed the brother was that he could cut the throat of his sister in full public , so convinced he was that it is good to cut her throat than let her be married to someone outside her caste. Such deep convinced notion to make our children “be accepted” by society, by family and even by our caste/religion.
Why are we trying to make our children so perfect? Why do we want to design every move they make? Why are we trying to prove they are wrong in what they do? Why at all we are being Gods in their lives?
The deeper answer lies in our idea of “My” or “Our” Child. From the day the child is conceived in the womb of the mother. Parents get struck with the idea of bringing up the best child as perfect as their capacity and vision would permit. “My” child has to better than xyz , “Our” child would follow some abc code of conduct they would be appreciated by the society in any other case they would be shunned and God forbid if your child is not normal by your standards you’d bend hand and legs to put things to normal.
The attachment to the thought of “My” or “Our” child is so in-grilled that every tiny sway from your perfect standards is an attack on your face, your image. Outside nature human parenting has forgotten that every young one no matter how deeply attached to us is a separate individual, a separate thinking mind and life learns to find best way for itself. No matter how na├»ve or immature their action is, by their standards they try their best. The role of the parent is to guide and bend the actions towards best with protection and love not by force, comparison, criticism and definitely not by anger and punishments.
 As the human civilization has grown the idea of individual freedom has deeply taken place in our democracies and most evolved laws in world have been made to protect them. No freedom in world is complete if there’s no sense of respect. In similar way a parent child relationship is also deeply rooted to understanding the individuality of the child, freedom to the child to grow up with his best qualities and giving the child his due “Respect”. Respect comes when we learn to accept the present individual as he is and then try to work around it. When we separate our image of being a “Perfect Parent” with the image of the tender child. We would then be able to see the deeper needs of the child.
Today is the time when parents struggle in parenting. When counselors are needed to bridge the gap between the parent and the child. When hundreds of books are being written on parenting and perfection in it and yet we see generations drifting away from each other. Why? Today parents have learnt to “let us talk about it” method but they sit with a mind convinced whatever child does is wrong. How can such a talk be fruitful??? The child returns the mind what the parent is doing is wrong. This is not just a teenage problem it impacts how we have grown up as individuals and therefore affects society and country as whole. We tag everybody as wrong or right and complex childhood is the prime reason of our complex adulthood problems.
 Something drastically went wrong in our ways of handling children in our parenting. Today if a parent comes to know about his teenager drinking, smoking or bunking school havoc is created in the home, the fear inside the parent of being a bad/non competent parent works before the feeling of handling the need inside the child. The cigarette or drinking or bunking school can be wrong but your young one wanting do that is not wrong, it is alarming to see what need has been missed ? Why the strength of the child fell pray towards such acts. Why could he not say no? But instead possessiveness drives us to think “I have failed as parent”. Once I drown how I can then pick up my child.
Some can argue nature’s way is not the best way. You can just not let go of your child especially in such a competitive environment but sit back for a second and think is it really possible for parents to hold hands of their children at every move? Can we really bend ways and make child perfect? Even if we do that will your child always be happy who gives this guarantee? No one, yes no one gives guarantee of happiness and even the most probable paths of happiness cannot guarantee it. But freedom will, a free mind is always a happy mind.
A child is like a plant you put a little support, some attention and care it will grow and find out its way. Develop physical, emotional, social and spiritual world of child not with force but with logic. Trust the capacity and instinct of the child help him make his decisions. Individual freedom blooms like flower, received respect always returns respect.
Perfection is good with objects not with living beings. Change in a home can change the world.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Letter to the PM published on The Viewspaper

This article was posted in a campaign to write to Prime Minister of India by The Viewspaper A voice of youth paper. I posted my blogpost of "How to bring truth in our lives" and that got posted there. So sharing the piece over here.

you can read many more letters to PM here:

Have a great day everyone.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Fashion Contest post - for ShoppersStop

This is not really a part of my regular blogging but just for fun sake i decided to participate in this contest. So here was I challenged to create a look for myself for the festive season and shoppersstop had ample choice to my taste. :)

Here goes a sneek peak:
Like it?  Vote Here

1st look: Casual look to an evening Festive party or dinner



So you can see my collection i chose for the 1st look. I loved the skirt in the 1st look :D and couldn't resist create a look around that so my center of focus was my skirt. Since i am not a person with too much bling stuff i prefer to keep my looks striking yet balanced. So i chose a simple Black Skirt with mirror work at bottom and teamed it up with a Fancy Top with halter neck, it has some lace work not too glaring infact the best part was i got a perfectly matching Sandal with it.
So i ended up matching Top with sandal and Yellow earings (halter neck needs no neck piece). And to match with my black skirt i got a Bracelet and a Black Shrug :-) i can't go out just with the halter neck piece in this cold weather, yap for a warm weather I can choose to remove the shrug.
Last i needed this dash of Coral so i teamed my clutch and my lipstick Maybelline and my messy bun hair do would complete my look.

Here's the links

Remanika Ladies Halter Neck Top

Life Ladies Shrug

Haute Curry Mix and Match Skirt

LIFE – Sandals

Pretty Women Bracelet PW-BR-3766

AYESHA - Chandelier Dull Gold Earrings

Haute Curry Clutch - ICORCL4

Maybelline lipstick,-Skincare-and-Haircare-Cosmetics-and-Makeup-Lip-Maybelline-Color-Sensational-Moisture-Extreme-Lip-Color-Coral-Pink-262.html

  2nd look : for Wedding function or similar   I love sarees I just drool on them so how can I let go of a chance to wear saree. I chose saree and again Yellow :P. No not just because I like yellow but because the saree is chiffon light weight + there is patch work border attached and + the price perfect balance for a saree like this. I am a wise shopper you see :) lol So here it goes.    

  So i teamed up my saree with simple rules. Less decorated but classy look. The Saree already had patch work close to neck so there was no point wearing heavy neck piece i kept myself to chic yellow stone studded jewelery and in hand matching with Black print in saree a Black metal bangle 2-3 of such a piece on right hand would be just enough. Ofcourse then sandal matching with saree and Clutch matching with bangle in black and slightly blingly not too much. Messy bun again. :)   That's just my kind of look you can make many more of your style from Shoppers Stop.    

Kashish Printed Chiffon Saree

AYESHA - A Gold Bling Affair

Haute Curry Evening Clutch -I1176

Pretty Women Bangle PW-BA-3613

AYESHA - Dazzling Yellow Topaz Neckpiece

LIFE - Sandals

My regular readers please don't be upset , I would come up with my blog kind of post soon. Hope you like this side of me. Check out my TAGGED and Who I am post if you wish to read more about me.

Take care

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