Friday, December 21, 2012

I have raped .............

This is a random post probably no forethought or excercise was required by me to write this. I just didn't know how to put this in front. Too much has been going on around us Rape rape rape. My ears are bleeding , my eyes are sore and my heart still pounding.

I feel like a rapist today
I have raped my own soul when i don't have the courage to stand against the wrong
When I hear people sigh at the birth of a daughter. I see a rape happening of a mother's desire of nuturing her loved one, of her happiness , of all her dreams she build little by little around that womb. Not knowing a single change of a body part would wreak havoc on her angel.

I have raped my Creator's creation when i cannot be a part of his nature and i build a castle for my greed.
When I do what i have done to my Mother Earth. Plundering its beauty bit by bit , dumping our never ending toxic material in her womb. Robbing her off her minerals because I am greedy greedy for comfort, for fun what less is this act of mine than not a sensual pleasure. It was need to be safe and to keep safe. But i am quiet watching it turn into a graveyard.

I have raped people's confidence. When i had been non appreciative to somebody, killed that tiny expectation that waited all day for a kind word. I killed and violated that hope because i did not feel it was important.

I have raped many faith. When i lied to people who trusted me or even those who never trusted me. I have devoured the tiny mankind i had in myself because i was saving myself from wrong situation.

I have raped my own love and compassion. When i decided not to ever love or trust anyone because i was betrayed by someone. Because i was being protective about myself i felt stopping who I really am at best.

I have raped my peace. When i felt past and future mean more to me than my present.

I have raped my own body. When i performed a 100 changes i wanted in , it in my mind to be what i felt was "perfect ME". Fairness advertisements, physique changing promises , prettiness certificates, beautiful praises was I really not trying to be better than someone else was I really trying to be me.

I have raped my duties. When i was accounting the world for my rights. I failed to do my duties, my duty to be present with a needy, to let go off my wish for someone, to be holding each one equally, to give more than get. Arranging everything to be perfect outside ignoring my chaos inside.

I have raped my history. When I am trying to create a future without its foundation. When i ignored the old for the youth. I forgot the lessons for the excietment.

I have raped my own voice when i am not able to speak my mind on all things
When I see sexually explicitly content making their way on our everyday newspapers , webpages , advertisements, when i see people who speak about individual freedom exploit it inside every individual mind because they are a part of society that wants to earn money.

I have raped many and much more. I don't feel like a victim anymore. Nor am I very worried about my physical safety. I know i am safe and my God keeps me safe every second. I am more worried about my other aspect. I am worried about being a rapist. Worried about plundering the most precious things in my life and yet being unaware of it.

This "I" could be you me or for that sake anybody. We are all rapists , all criminals. We do so much wrong all the time and so little , so little are even things we are aware of rest everything goes unnoticed by us. Just because there is no law to catch us red handedly , no one to watch us , do we have the right to plunder which is not rightfully ours. All we care about is I, me and myself. Every tiniest desire we create has more to do with our happiness than anyone else's. We all are such hypocrities , we talk such humane when a news pops up but we ignore what we do every day. With every one , with every tiny emotion , with ourselves turning our face away from who we are truly originally , turing ourselves every second into somebody the world wants us to be.
Does a rape happen to a girl alone?? Physically alone ?? I feel ashamed we think that way. We are not changing as people. We are not being human with human.
I don't know if i have the right to talk about rape. What is rape anyway ??? is it only to force someone to have sex ? or is it to destroy someone of its possession ?

P.S - Please pardon me for my grammatical mistakes or contextual mistakes. And if it has hurt you it was meant to hurt so that you can peek inside your own mind like I am inside mine. Trying to answer my question what I have raped from myself ??


Nirmala said...

Your article moved me to tears Shreya. No, not because it hurt me. On the contrary, it was an eye opener. It did stir my conscience.

Yes, I do feel guilty of raping my own conscience, when I hear or see something which I know is not right, but still lack the courage to stand up for it. Is it fear? Fear of what I wonder? Or am I being self-centred?

Yes, I do get disturbed, shed a few tears, make a lot of noise, in the sense, I talk about the injustice meted out to poor and weak, to a couple of like minded friends and then keep quiet ‘coz by nature, I am a timid person. Does my responsibility end here? No!

Yes, I think I have always considered myself a victim without realizing I am a perpetrator too…ridiculous!

Thanks Shreya for the beautiful and soul searching article.

Shreya, your writing skills are perfect. Why don’t you become a columnist in one of the mainstream newspapers?

Shreya said...

We really are Nirmala all predators , a demon isnt creted in a day it takes time. It is like a dormant volcano.
Anyways i guess we are on our journey from weakness to strength. Hope someday someday we'd really be that brave and outspoken yet loving and understanding.

Thanks Nirmala , may be someday i'd write for some newspaper i have worked for a paper but that was just for few months in 2009.You can see those articles under the tag "MY NEWS ARTICLE".
May be later in future when i will be more regular at writing then.
Here's that link-

God bless

JaiMaaDurga said...

Thank you for not shying away from such writing; acknowledging those things which are ugly and painful, both within and without,taking the responsibility that rests on oneself for the inner and social existence- that is what most find truly difficult. How much easier, how much safer it feels to simply look the other way, to refuse admittance to realities that remind us that dark and disturbing forces are only a breath, a decision away, no matter who we are or where we live.
Every time I see an example of a human being suffering the results of a brutal attack in some busy public place, while people hurry on, glance away, ignore the desperate need for help and comfort- I remember: when in my own life have I been guilty of thinking "Best not to get involved", out of sheer selfishness?
Most thought-provoking and courageous words, thank you again.
Jai Mata Di..

Shreya said...

@JaiMaaDurga... I don't know if it is only sheer selfishness or concern for loved ones that my 1st preference comes as keep self safe then if possible do something about an external situation. I dont know it is a confusion in itself. I guess time and again we are reminded that we are not alone and we have to keep doing things for us as together than as self.
Thank you for posting your comment.
Tkcr :)

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Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye. Thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye. Thank you very much.

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