Thursday, March 2, 2017

Why should you not be judgmental

Ask yourself, who do you love the most? If, you have someone who you love the most then undoubtedly they are the people (or even pets) who do not judge you. When we look around and ask ourselves who do we love the most? It is those who love us without any judgments. No Judgments for our actions, for our reasons of success or failure and most importantly no judgments about our identity. Judgments are sharp and piercing. Judgments’ regarding anyone or anything is an act to see it in seclusion without the reason of its cause or existence and that is exactly opposite to the spirit of humanity which is holistic. It is like sampling one piece out of many and declaring your attitude towards the whole bunch. This is great when it comes to things (buying vegetables? Eh!) not when it comes to dealing with humans. We humans are unique and kings/queens of our own universe. We desperately, everyday, try to protect our universe from dilution and judgments from others come as sharp blows that tilts this universe. We find it disturbing when people judge us, yet we are quick to point fingers at others.

I came late to office, I have a reason – my boss is judgmental. Your maid comes late, she is making excuses- I have right to reason. I am paid less for my work, I need more money to survive- my work is not equal. I pay less at a shop, their service sucks- I need justice. Someone cuts across me from the wrong side, I could have had an accident- roads are filled with idiots. I jump red light or attend a phone call while driving, I have an emergency/ I can handle- society is intolerant. My mother in law is very annoying, she gives me no space – I am tolerating. I create profiles on facebook and follow my child and her friends- Oh I am just protective mother. Sounds familiar? Oh.. wait wait wait, just before you tell me your some other reasons let me clarify I am not writing this piece to judge you and your reasons. This is merely a mirror for all of us, so you can let go of your own judgment against judgment. All through the day when you do not feel loved and appreciated is because you are still being judgmental about things or people around you. You may hide behind the veil of “because”, “Because it is so basic”, “because this is right”, “because this is wrong”, “because that is not how you do it”, but it is no use and it is serving neither you nor the person/place/thing you are judging. 

This may sound a bit exaggerating and exasperating yet I would say any complain that we do in our daily life is an act of judgment, a judgment justified by saying this is right and that is wrong and judgment means absence of love. No love means no-permanent change/reform. With judgments you are fixing the roots of a plant you think is wrong but not the plant that really needs the treatment, in other words when you judge someone you are not looking at the real reason of the problem. If solving that problem is at all your intention, but trust me most often we just want to whine so we judge and not because we want to solve. You may ask “If set systems do not work I do have the right to complain? After all complain is the first step to recognize problems and then solve them, Right? ”. May be, I cannot disagree but how many times do we judge or complain or get annoyed or angry or hate and reach a solution ? We don’t because doers are listeners to complain of others and well, whiners are whiners.

Right or wrong for any person is extremely personal and to understand their right and wrong we have to slip inside their shoes i.e live their life, which we clearly cannot. Wasting a single second of our life on others wouldn’t earn us a dime. What should be our priority then? In my humble opinion it should be us, our peace of mind and our safety. Let me explain – while judging someone is really easy and very satisfying we fail to see that just like sugar addiction, this addiction (being judgmental of others) is eating us in the long run. Did you just judge the dress of your colleague? Or the money earned by that business tycoon? Or the hard work of that Hollywood star? Any of these or more, if you did welcome to the pit. I say it pit because it is what a man/woman human creates when he/she they become judgmental, a pit of excuses .It is often so subtle that we ignore it all together (just like in this line I wrote man/woman and acted in complete oblivion to existence of 3rd gender, forgive me).  You just created excuses to not be kind towards your colleague, to abhor money and not earn it, to not trust on your hard because you do not become a Star by it. The point is judgment is an endless loop like any other negative feeling and it takes our peace of mind like no other. Yes, it may give us a high for sometimes but it needs to be given a higher dose next time soon (that is how bullies are created by the way! ). Example by judgmental about people/ things around you – cleanliness, roads, products, services… soon you would find yourself being judgmental about the people involved then about the system involved then national or global politics, then history then God or existence. This is how judgment escalates but never really tamed down.

What is the way to not being judgmental? I have to admit I do not have a way to not being judgmental because it is indeed a deep subconscious process that may differ person to person. However, one method that has seemed to work well with me and must definitely work well with everyone are just repeating two words whenever you find yourself being judgmental. They are “Forgive me”. If you catch yourself complaining try this, repeat these two words in your head. You do not have to say it loud or address anyone or even feel anything just repeat these words. These two words are extremely difficult to speak because it requires human ego to bow down and take note of existence of things other than itself. So when you catch yourself judging someone’s etiquettes mentally say “Forgive me”, find yourself judging someone’s attire say it again, judging your child, your friend or your juniors way of working say it again. This is like an eraser that cleans your slate and allows you to be a better human being every single time. Even research has proven that forgiveness lowers your stress hormone that is another bonus for happiness.

Over a period of time with this practice you shall realize how easily people open up to you. They want to be around you, speak to you, they do not say you No, they serve you better; give you more attention, more respect because they know you are not judging them. A whole lot of good relationships and love floods your life. So my advice for the day shall be give it a try, this is personal, easy and you have to be accountable to no one else but yourself. Try not to judge.



Saturday, February 11, 2017

Ramblings about Power

I am power
Power means to control the consequences the result the future and
outcomes to feel secure and safe but all these crop up from my
survival instinct which makes me feel that there is a threat in the
next moment and the sooner i come to know about it the quicker i will
decipher a solution.

I do not blame my ancestors for my DNA has been coded through many
many long years but being the Powerful, limitless being that I am,
that which I have experienced through my inner eyes and wisdom I chose
to be Powerful in my own terms.

I chose to say i am Powerful Limitless being peaceful and love filled
I am not threatened by anyone anymore now, I am above and beyond the mindset of just survival.

My next moments are predictable
and they are predictable in a good way
they are predicted with safety & security
filled with food, livelihood, happiness, good relations
excellent and meaningful work
but more important than all of this is to remember that I am not mere body
I am definitely not the brain
and not the mind because i control my mind
then i am something beyond my mind
something that works quietly and yet controls everything openly
I am energy
a powerful energy that needs no assurance of conditions next moment
I am yet safe
I will be provided everything i need and more
My needs are not craving they may well be needs to sustain my body and my existence on earth
I am beyond
I am capable
I am competent
I am filled with infinite possibilities
Infinite abilities
I am in the present and I am in the now
I am alive and that is the only truth that I know exists
So as long as I am alive
I shall be in the present
I shall not be in past or future
I shall be here and now
I shall be in Power
I am the Power, Limitless being.

Pic Courtesy:

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Gandhi ... for us

“You play the ball. You do not play the opponent. Be free in your head. Be free in your shots. Go for it. The brave will be rewarded here.”
-         Roger Federer, Tennis Legend

You must be wondering why did I quote Roger Federer in a Gandhi titled post instead of a typical Gandhi quote on his death anniversary (30 January).  I want you to pause at this moment and read the above quote again, mainly because most of us just read through viewpoints without really considering the merit of the words written. Roger is probably referring to an action in the mind, a state of mind of winners which you may associate with success. In short you’d find it attractive. Now I would like to draw your attention to the quote below by Gandhi.

“Man and his deeds are two distinct things. Where as a good deed call forth approbation and wicked deed dis-approbation, the doer of the deed, whether good or wicked always deserves respect or pity as the case may be. Hate the sin and not the sinner is a precept which though easy enough to understand is rarely practiced, and that is why the poison of hatred spreads in the world. ”
-         MK Gandhi, India

Though most of us would believe that to even analyze some brave statements made by stalwarts like Gandhi would mean you have to be like him or live a life as pristine as his. I, however, differ on this. To me every legend comes with special blessings that he/she is able to expand and live up to its acme. None of us are same as they; does that mean we reject all their ideas?

I am not here to debate Bapu’s idea if a slap should be retorted back by forwarding another cheek to be slapped again - as goes by a famous Gandhi quote in hindi. But I do want to content the idea that Roger rekindled in my mind about Gandhian philosophy being considerate when facing adversity.

Any kind of adversity is basically a challenge inside your head. Your enemy, your stress, your circumstances could be one of them. When faced with sudden changes or deliberate slow painful recovery, how and what tops your priority list while responding to that challenge – reveals who you are.

When Roger hits the ball, he doesn’t imagine hitting the opponent for hitting the opponent would neither make him any better player nor would it help him to score better. If anything it would desolate his game. Similarly everyone (not some but almost everyone) when faced with an adversity in life chooses first to blame the doer before he/she reacts to the situation. It is incomprehensible for us to believe that the doer and deed might be two different things and in reacting to the doer we spoil our response to the deed. Hence, Gandhi’s philosophy to be aware and considerate towards your adversity.

I am not trying to tell you that you put up with oppression or tolerate unto death. Those are extremes I can give no opinion on, but what I can definitely bring to notice is a side of untouched human behavior. Righteousness that refuses to accept that we too have the same components inside us to do as much bad as the doer of the wicked deed did, this refusal is the pitfall of the society today. In simpler words when we refuse to recognize that we too can be sinner at times (at least to some extent) due to our righteous perception of “Self”, we refuse compassion to the very result we want to generate and we refuse our own growth.

Any kind of growth needs direction in space and nourishment. The direction of the space (positive or negative alignment of intentions) and kind of nourishment (feelings) decides the fate of our growth. In short, to understand our adversity from a vantage point of compassion will feed our growth with compassion and understanding, while feeding it with anger and aggression will create cancerous surge. The doer, people in pain can do painful things. Only those who have been hurt can hurt others. Simply acknowledging their pain and then responding to their deed can open floodgates of creative responses and spur our own growth. Take into consideration case of Julio diaz (his story - ) who was just mugged by a masked teen on his way back to dinner. He could have blamed the doer as a wicked drug addict teenager who stole his money and left him hungry. Instead his compassion led him to recognizing the need of the mugger and eventually his own growth in experience.

Though this may not work all the time, I confess it is not easy either but it is those fleeting moments when you realize that as much as you recognize you have components of the bad then you also recognize you have components of the good, your true power. All of this without being judgmental about the doer. This is liberating. It is when you realize that anger, hurt, pain, frustration is just vacuum created by absence of love and compassion. Your true power is in like Roger says hitting the ball not the opponent; your true power is in knowing you cannot control the doer by being judgmental against him/her, it is in knowing that you are exercising your choice when you face the deed and resolve it rather than trying to correct the doer. A Harvard Psychologist and TEDtalk star Amy Cuddy puts it in her book PRESENCE “ A truly confident person does not require arrogance, which is nothing more than a smoke screen for insecurity”, could this also be said about groups? Us, we as a society ?.

Where can you use it right now? For the time being try it on American President D.Trump. Instead of trying to focus on rhetoric of Trump 24x7, the global community could address the underlining fears against immigrants. Had Gandhi been alive he would have probably done Prarthna Sabha or prayer for Trump, to fill his heart with more faith and love or given him roses like our bollywood movie Munnabhai MBBS to get well soon or called on to him to discuss his doubts and fears. Biases cannot be fought with biases, biases are created because there are mis-understanding or mis-representation of facts. Humans being logical are inclined to search for the truth, the illusion of which coming from the other side tricks us to believe that the larger group always speaks the truth. The story of Ramayana, Lord Ram or Gandhi’s inspiration was epitome of this leadership. While he recognized and waged war against the mighty Ravana for kidnapping his wife Sita, all through the Ramayana he never once uttered any ill word against Ravana giving utmost respect to the strength and knowledge Ravana had. Ram attacked the sin not the sinner, he played the ball not the opponent. Ram could free his mind and his Ego, thus he was the Purna Purusha “the complete being”. Can we even try?

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