Thursday, March 2, 2017

Why should you not be judgmental

Ask yourself, who do you love the most? If, you have someone who you love the most then undoubtedly they are the people (or even pets) who do not judge you. When we look around and ask ourselves who do we love the most? It is those who love us without any judgments. No Judgments for our actions, for our reasons of success or failure and most importantly no judgments about our identity. Judgments are sharp and piercing. Judgments’ regarding anyone or anything is an act to see it in seclusion without the reason of its cause or existence and that is exactly opposite to the spirit of humanity which is holistic. It is like sampling one piece out of many and declaring your attitude towards the whole bunch. This is great when it comes to things (buying vegetables? Eh!) not when it comes to dealing with humans. We humans are unique and kings/queens of our own universe. We desperately, everyday, try to protect our universe from dilution and judgments from others come as sharp blows that tilts this universe. We find it disturbing when people judge us, yet we are quick to point fingers at others.

I came late to office, I have a reason – my boss is judgmental. Your maid comes late, she is making excuses- I have right to reason. I am paid less for my work, I need more money to survive- my work is not equal. I pay less at a shop, their service sucks- I need justice. Someone cuts across me from the wrong side, I could have had an accident- roads are filled with idiots. I jump red light or attend a phone call while driving, I have an emergency/ I can handle- society is intolerant. My mother in law is very annoying, she gives me no space – I am tolerating. I create profiles on facebook and follow my child and her friends- Oh I am just protective mother. Sounds familiar? Oh.. wait wait wait, just before you tell me your some other reasons let me clarify I am not writing this piece to judge you and your reasons. This is merely a mirror for all of us, so you can let go of your own judgment against judgment. All through the day when you do not feel loved and appreciated is because you are still being judgmental about things or people around you. You may hide behind the veil of “because”, “Because it is so basic”, “because this is right”, “because this is wrong”, “because that is not how you do it”, but it is no use and it is serving neither you nor the person/place/thing you are judging. 

This may sound a bit exaggerating and exasperating yet I would say any complain that we do in our daily life is an act of judgment, a judgment justified by saying this is right and that is wrong and judgment means absence of love. No love means no-permanent change/reform. With judgments you are fixing the roots of a plant you think is wrong but not the plant that really needs the treatment, in other words when you judge someone you are not looking at the real reason of the problem. If solving that problem is at all your intention, but trust me most often we just want to whine so we judge and not because we want to solve. You may ask “If set systems do not work I do have the right to complain? After all complain is the first step to recognize problems and then solve them, Right? ”. May be, I cannot disagree but how many times do we judge or complain or get annoyed or angry or hate and reach a solution ? We don’t because doers are listeners to complain of others and well, whiners are whiners.

Right or wrong for any person is extremely personal and to understand their right and wrong we have to slip inside their shoes i.e live their life, which we clearly cannot. Wasting a single second of our life on others wouldn’t earn us a dime. What should be our priority then? In my humble opinion it should be us, our peace of mind and our safety. Let me explain – while judging someone is really easy and very satisfying we fail to see that just like sugar addiction, this addiction (being judgmental of others) is eating us in the long run. Did you just judge the dress of your colleague? Or the money earned by that business tycoon? Or the hard work of that Hollywood star? Any of these or more, if you did welcome to the pit. I say it pit because it is what a man/woman human creates when he/she they become judgmental, a pit of excuses .It is often so subtle that we ignore it all together (just like in this line I wrote man/woman and acted in complete oblivion to existence of 3rd gender, forgive me).  You just created excuses to not be kind towards your colleague, to abhor money and not earn it, to not trust on your hard because you do not become a Star by it. The point is judgment is an endless loop like any other negative feeling and it takes our peace of mind like no other. Yes, it may give us a high for sometimes but it needs to be given a higher dose next time soon (that is how bullies are created by the way! ). Example by judgmental about people/ things around you – cleanliness, roads, products, services… soon you would find yourself being judgmental about the people involved then about the system involved then national or global politics, then history then God or existence. This is how judgment escalates but never really tamed down.

What is the way to not being judgmental? I have to admit I do not have a way to not being judgmental because it is indeed a deep subconscious process that may differ person to person. However, one method that has seemed to work well with me and must definitely work well with everyone are just repeating two words whenever you find yourself being judgmental. They are “Forgive me”. If you catch yourself complaining try this, repeat these two words in your head. You do not have to say it loud or address anyone or even feel anything just repeat these words. These two words are extremely difficult to speak because it requires human ego to bow down and take note of existence of things other than itself. So when you catch yourself judging someone’s etiquettes mentally say “Forgive me”, find yourself judging someone’s attire say it again, judging your child, your friend or your juniors way of working say it again. This is like an eraser that cleans your slate and allows you to be a better human being every single time. Even research has proven that forgiveness lowers your stress hormone that is another bonus for happiness.

Over a period of time with this practice you shall realize how easily people open up to you. They want to be around you, speak to you, they do not say you No, they serve you better; give you more attention, more respect because they know you are not judging them. A whole lot of good relationships and love floods your life. So my advice for the day shall be give it a try, this is personal, easy and you have to be accountable to no one else but yourself. Try not to judge.



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