It is easier said than done especially when we know who is correct. I mean if I know I am correct and what is right then shouldn't things go my way ? Where am I wrong ? Why do people have to always oppose me?
Imagine waking up one fine day and finding that the whole world and every being looking, working, thinking, behaving exactly the way I do. How would my life be? Perfect or boring ? Many a times I have heard people say "it is natural to have fights", especially in context of marriages. "Fights are extension of love " and then "what is life without disagreements". But I sometimes sit back and wonder if people who say it have really understood the meaning behind these ? is Yes then why has it over the time become so difficult for us to manage a simple difference of opinion and today we have come up with terms like "road rage" or "frustration" or most common "stress", what is all this if not just a different perspective.
From what i have understood I would share with you. There are two parts of the above statements:
1. Disagreements or difference of opinion is natural.
Yes absolutely true, as many as number of people as many opinions because each one is actually working from their own capacity, understanding, knowledge and self definition of right and wrong. It means you and I might see the same thing in entirely different perspective depending on what we priortize in life. Thus we have attached labels or right and wrong on each other from our perspective.
2. When there is difference of opinion , discussion is natural or communication is natural.
Instead we thought arguments are natural. Imposing opinion is natural :). In relationships atleast i believe we can solve all problems with right perspetive and little communication , communication not just from mouth but from heart (feeling level). Getting over emotional and non stable during problem solving deters the main intention of communication which is to find a solution.
That is why in ancient India debates were considered extremely important during their schooling. "Dwand - vaad vivad pratiyogita" or debates created a healthy environment to discusss , analyse and accept one truth over another. This helped general people create opinions about right or wrong mutually, interestingly this was not the end of all every year same topics were re-debated to make sure new school of thoughts is well incorporated. Unfortunately over the time these schools have gone and the only public debates we see are on news channels who thanks to advertisements never reach a conclusive end.
Anyways my point is that in absence of understanding the above two aspects where disagreements and open minded communication was the key. We have over the time convinced ourselves of a single one way opinion which are old and quondam. Whereever new school of thoughts were not accepted a belief system was created "I am right and you are wrong always".
Infact from my understanding the problem is not being right (which you might be depending on situation ), the problem is in thinking that the other person is always wrong even before you begin to communicate anything. This creates a thought barrier and thus we have fights with no solution. We have all done it at some point of time or other in anything or everything, stating one is right other is wrong like black/white. That has over the time developed a sense of intolerance towards anything that is not white, it is like saying there are only two colors in this world "white or black" and if something is not white it has to be black. We all can see what has happened to our world when we are painting it only in these two colors.
All I am trying to say is that let us just make a small shift in our thinking , in a new way lets understand people are different from me and that is something to cherish not complain. And even if you know that something is not right focus your attention and energy on what you can do about the situation than cribbing about the person who spports that situation. Don't try and change people forcefully you'd only waste energy and they'll never change. Lead by patience and example they take some time to solve but the solve is permanent. :)
adios
Imagine waking up one fine day and finding that the whole world and every being looking, working, thinking, behaving exactly the way I do. How would my life be? Perfect or boring ? Many a times I have heard people say "it is natural to have fights", especially in context of marriages. "Fights are extension of love " and then "what is life without disagreements". But I sometimes sit back and wonder if people who say it have really understood the meaning behind these ? is Yes then why has it over the time become so difficult for us to manage a simple difference of opinion and today we have come up with terms like "road rage" or "frustration" or most common "stress", what is all this if not just a different perspective.
From what i have understood I would share with you. There are two parts of the above statements:
1. Disagreements or difference of opinion is natural.
Yes absolutely true, as many as number of people as many opinions because each one is actually working from their own capacity, understanding, knowledge and self definition of right and wrong. It means you and I might see the same thing in entirely different perspective depending on what we priortize in life. Thus we have attached labels or right and wrong on each other from our perspective.
2. When there is difference of opinion , discussion is natural or communication is natural.
Instead we thought arguments are natural. Imposing opinion is natural :). In relationships atleast i believe we can solve all problems with right perspetive and little communication , communication not just from mouth but from heart (feeling level). Getting over emotional and non stable during problem solving deters the main intention of communication which is to find a solution.
That is why in ancient India debates were considered extremely important during their schooling. "Dwand - vaad vivad pratiyogita" or debates created a healthy environment to discusss , analyse and accept one truth over another. This helped general people create opinions about right or wrong mutually, interestingly this was not the end of all every year same topics were re-debated to make sure new school of thoughts is well incorporated. Unfortunately over the time these schools have gone and the only public debates we see are on news channels who thanks to advertisements never reach a conclusive end.
Anyways my point is that in absence of understanding the above two aspects where disagreements and open minded communication was the key. We have over the time convinced ourselves of a single one way opinion which are old and quondam. Whereever new school of thoughts were not accepted a belief system was created "I am right and you are wrong always".
Infact from my understanding the problem is not being right (which you might be depending on situation ), the problem is in thinking that the other person is always wrong even before you begin to communicate anything. This creates a thought barrier and thus we have fights with no solution. We have all done it at some point of time or other in anything or everything, stating one is right other is wrong like black/white. That has over the time developed a sense of intolerance towards anything that is not white, it is like saying there are only two colors in this world "white or black" and if something is not white it has to be black. We all can see what has happened to our world when we are painting it only in these two colors.
All I am trying to say is that let us just make a small shift in our thinking , in a new way lets understand people are different from me and that is something to cherish not complain. And even if you know that something is not right focus your attention and energy on what you can do about the situation than cribbing about the person who spports that situation. Don't try and change people forcefully you'd only waste energy and they'll never change. Lead by patience and example they take some time to solve but the solve is permanent. :)
adios
5 comments:
Beautifully written dear Shreya.
You are so right. We cannot forcefully change anyone. Change has to come from within.
Sometimes, both can be right..like.."glass is half full" or "glass is half empty". Again,
perception!
Love your writing Shreya..
Beautifully written dear Shreya. i agree with you, nobody can change anybody 'coz change has to come from within.
Invariably, both the parties can be right...like .. "The glass is hall full" or "The glass is half empty"...Again it is our perception.
I simply love your writing and your thought pattern..
Keep writing and tickling our brains.:)
Thank you Nirmala :) your comments are always a pat on the back :)
You always give me food for thought Shreya....like today I take from here the fact that we must not think the other person is wrong even before the communication begins-you leave me pondering. Well said :-)
Trust me Suruchi I myself am using this fact right now with all my patience :), i just remember that my relationships are always more important than my current difference so i choose to become more understanding and it works :).
Thanks for your comment.
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