Ask yourself, who do you love the most? If, you have someone
who you love the most then undoubtedly they are the people (or even pets) who
do not judge you. When we look around and ask ourselves who do we love the
most? It is those who love us without any judgments. No Judgments for our
actions, for our reasons of success or failure and most importantly no
judgments about our identity. Judgments are sharp and piercing. Judgments’
regarding anyone or anything is an act to see it in seclusion without the
reason of its cause or existence and that is exactly opposite to the spirit of
humanity which is holistic. It is like sampling one piece out of many and
declaring your attitude towards the whole bunch. This is great when it comes to
things (buying vegetables? Eh!) not when it comes to dealing with humans. We
humans are unique and kings/queens of our own universe. We desperately,
everyday, try to protect our universe from dilution and judgments from others
come as sharp blows that tilts this universe. We find it disturbing when people
judge us, yet we are quick to point fingers at others.
I came late to office, I have a reason – my boss is
judgmental. Your maid comes late, she is making excuses- I have right to
reason. I am paid less for my work, I need more money to survive- my work is
not equal. I pay less at a shop, their service sucks- I need justice. Someone
cuts across me from the wrong side, I could have had an accident- roads are
filled with idiots. I jump red light or attend a phone call while driving, I
have an emergency/ I can handle- society is intolerant. My mother in law is
very annoying, she gives me no space – I am tolerating. I create profiles on
facebook and follow my child and her friends- Oh I am just protective mother.
Sounds familiar? Oh.. wait wait wait, just before you tell me your some other
reasons let me clarify I am not writing this piece to judge you and your reasons.
This is merely a mirror for all of us, so you can let go of your own judgment
against judgment. All through the day when you do not feel loved and
appreciated is because you are still being judgmental about things or people
around you. You may hide behind the veil of “because”, “Because it is so basic”,
“because this is right”, “because this is wrong”, “because that is not how you
do it”, but it is no use and it is serving neither you nor the
person/place/thing you are judging.
This may sound a bit exaggerating and exasperating yet I
would say any complain that we do in our daily life is an act of judgment, a
judgment justified by saying this is right and that is wrong and judgment means
absence of love. No love means no-permanent change/reform. With judgments you are
fixing the roots of a plant you think is wrong but not the plant that really
needs the treatment, in other words when you judge someone you are not looking
at the real reason of the problem. If solving that problem is at all your
intention, but trust me most often we just want to whine so we judge and not
because we want to solve. You may ask “If set systems do not work I do have the
right to complain? After all complain is the first step to recognize problems and
then solve them, Right? ”. May be, I cannot disagree but how many times do we
judge or complain or get annoyed or angry or hate and reach a solution ? We don’t
because doers are listeners to complain of others and well, whiners are whiners.
Right or wrong for any person is extremely personal and to
understand their right and wrong we have to slip inside their shoes i.e live
their life, which we clearly cannot. Wasting a single second of our life on
others wouldn’t earn us a dime. What should be our priority then? In my humble
opinion it should be us, our peace of mind and our safety. Let me explain –
while judging someone is really easy and very satisfying we fail to see that
just like sugar addiction, this addiction (being judgmental of others) is
eating us in the long run. Did you just judge the dress of your colleague? Or the
money earned by that business tycoon? Or the hard work of that Hollywood star? Any
of these or more, if you did welcome to the pit. I say it pit because it is
what a man/woman human creates when he/she they become judgmental,
a pit of excuses .It is often so subtle that we ignore it all together (just
like in this line I wrote man/woman and acted in complete oblivion to existence
of 3rd gender, forgive me). You
just created excuses to not be kind towards your colleague, to abhor money and
not earn it, to not trust on your hard because you do not become a Star by it.
The point is judgment is an endless loop like any other negative feeling and it
takes our peace of mind like no other. Yes, it may give us a high for sometimes
but it needs to be given a higher dose next time soon (that is how bullies are
created by the way! ). Example by judgmental about people/ things around you –
cleanliness, roads, products, services… soon you would find yourself being
judgmental about the people involved then about the system involved then
national or global politics, then history then God or existence. This is how
judgment escalates but never really tamed down.
What is the way to not being judgmental? I have to admit I do
not have a way to not being judgmental because it is indeed a deep subconscious
process that may differ person to person. However, one method that has seemed
to work well with me and must definitely work well with everyone are just
repeating two words whenever you find yourself being judgmental. They are “Forgive
me”. If you catch yourself complaining try this, repeat these two words in your
head. You do not have to say it loud or address anyone or even feel anything
just repeat these words. These two words are extremely difficult to speak
because it requires human ego to bow down and take note of existence of things
other than itself. So when you catch yourself judging someone’s etiquettes
mentally say “Forgive me”, find yourself judging someone’s attire say it again,
judging your child, your friend or your juniors way of working say it again.
This is like an eraser that cleans your slate and allows you to be a better
human being every single time. Even research has proven that forgiveness lowers
your stress hormone that is another bonus for happiness.
Over a period of time with this practice you shall realize
how easily people open up to you. They want to be around you, speak to you, they
do not say you No, they serve you better; give you more attention, more respect
because they know you are not judging them. A whole lot of good relationships
and love floods your life. So my advice for the day shall be give it a try, this
is personal, easy and you have to be accountable to no one else but yourself.
Try not to judge.
Adios
photocredit: http://www.jantoo.com/cartoons/keywords/judgmental
